Rampaige

[11] It's my day off.

DEANS POINT OF VIEW (Lots of explicit language, not like that's a surprise though)

Beer at 9 AM mixed with a concussion will probably knock me the fuck out but who gives a shit? I don't. It's my day off and I can't even go to the gym, so might as well make it worth something.

This whole deal with Paige is fucking with me, a lot. First I just wanted to rip her damn head off, then I kinda' wanted to fuck her senseless and then rip her head off, now I just want to make sure she's safe and I don't even want to rip her head off...

What the fuck is wrong with me? A lot, I know. But how weak must I be to all of a sudden care for this pathetic new girl I hardly even know?

I want to make her career in the WWE a living hell, it's what I do. She's a fun target since she acts all tough and stuff. I know she's scared of me but I want her to be terrified. But I can't do all of that if I've got these stupid feelings towards her.

I can't let Bray Wyatt get his hands on her, that'll get to me and that's what he wants. I'll never give him what he wants. But I can't fucking protect her because that just defeats the whole damn purpose. I don't know what to do. Maybe it's time to just say fuck it and forget about her. She's just a stupid girl anyways and there's plenty more like her.

A 12 pack of beer gone within 6 hours and a nasty headache is settling in. My stomach feels like it's going to explode. I've suffered worse.

I sat with my bare back pressed againt the cold tile wall of the bathroom, half slumped against the toilet ready to hurl any minute.

Everything came out of me so violently, leaving me limp. My body's shaking and my head's pounding. I hate to say it but times like this are when I miss Seth and Roman the most. Yeah, I said it, I miss them.

I've made a habit of drinking away an issue whenever there is one and usually it ends up pretty messy. Seth and Roman, Seth moreso than Roman, were always pulling me off the bathroom floor and helping me get into bed or onto the couch. The things they would go through for me were unbelievable but I'm the dick because I probably wouldn't do it for them.

Maybe I just miss them because I'm a selfish son of a bitch and I don't really feel like cleaning up this mess I've made all by myself. Maybe I should have kept Paige around to do it for me.

I pulled my weak, sore body off of the bathroom floor and cupped my hands around the sink staring at my reflection. My eyes are red and puffy, a dark bruise has made a home around the wound on my forehead lingering down around my right eye, my face is pale, and my hairs a sweaty mess on top of my head. My reflection is almost enough to make me sick again. What the hell is happening to me?

I turned the shower on and let the water run as a hot steam filled the small hotel bathroom. I stripped out of my sweatpants and slipped underneath the hot water. I turned the faucet up as hot as it could go, letting the scalding water burn my body. It feels good.

The burning water helped soothe my aching body and gave me back a little sense that those beers had taken out of me. My reflection isn't half as bad as it was a half hour ago.

I crawled into the mess of blankets I had left this morning and pulled them around my damp body. My mind won't stop thinking about Paige and it's going to drive me insane. I don't want any of this.

I can't just fuck off, we're forced to be a team whether we like it or not. I can't let Bray Wyatt ruin an innocent girl. The shit with me and Paige is between the two of us and that's completely different, but she did nothing to anger Bray. If he lays a finger on her again I swear he won't see the next morning.

Here I go again, worrying about some egotistical little bitch that I shouldn't even be wasting my time on. But I can't help it. I guess it's okay to worry but I just can't let it become anymore than this.

Too many thoughts are running through my brain and it's causing that headache to come back and I really wish I would just pass the fuck out right now. I hate this. I hate my pathetic multi-personality behavior. If I could, I would just be an angry son of a bitch all the time but when I get like I am now I feel guilty and it eats me alive until my temper kicks in or a blackout takes over.

My blackouts have gotten worse lately, but also not so bad. I can recall everything that happens during them so I don't know if they're really blackouts or what. Yeah, they don't really make sense but whatever they are, they're nasty. I'm finding myself to be more angry and ruthless nowadays but I like it. I don't want to be some sorry sympathy seeking moron.