Rampaige

[37] Delusional

The morning came quickly, a bit too quickly. The gleam of the sun blinded me as I tried to fall back to sleep for just a few more minutes. I tossed angrily in bed flopping the blankets around with me and tangling them around my waist. Oh come on! Can't a girl get just five more minutes of sleep?!

"You're like shutting me all out, all you do is sleep or totally shut everything out. You're gonna' blow up soon Paige." AJ burst as I began to wake up in the car. I rolled my eyes, "Can you not start that bullshit right now. I'm tired." I groaned. She glanced at me sending the evil eye that I didn't even have to look to feel. "Lay off, please." I whined, dropping my head back into my hand.

My phone vibrated wildly in my pocket waking me from my semi-unconcious mind. I groaned and reached into my pocket pulling out my phone. Two unread text messages from 'lunatic boy'. Oh wonderful... I don't even want to slide open my screen. I haven't talked or seen Dean since Tuesday. That's three days ago. I don't know what's wrong with me and him or why we can't just stay a happy, normal couple or whatever we are.

"He texted me." I mumbled. AJ's eyes flicked to me quickly then back to the road. "What'd he say?" She asked. I shrugged. "I'm afraid to look... I didn't even know he could text. I bet it's just a clusterfuck of letters or something crazy." I smiled a little. "For gods sake Paige, open the text."

I slid open my phone to read the two texts from Dean. The first read 'im sorry... i overreacted like usual... i dont blame you if you totally hate me... but can we talk' and the second one read, 'i miss you paige i fucking miss you' I felt my chest tense up and get all warm and fuzzy. A smile grew so big across my face it almost burst my cheeks.

Sure, I've been avoiding Dean a lot lately because I'm afraid that I might blurt out those three words that a guy like him probably never wants to hear again. It'll slip out so easily and everything will go down the drain just like that. I can't ruin this.

I ran my fingers across the keyboard replying to his text. I wrote, 'We're on our way to the hotel now. What room are you, I'll stop by before the event?' I read it like eight times before hitting send and even then I continued to read it over and make sure I'm not dropping any subconcious hints about how I fucking love him.

"Good luck." AJ smirked as I shut the door behind me. Room 612. I feel like such an idiot right now. I'm all worried and nervous over nothing. We haven't talked in a few days because I'm a paranoid freak and Dean always jumps to the worst conclusion. We're both so fucked up but that's part of the reason we're perfect for eachother.

I stood in front of room 612, gently banging my fist agains the door. Seconds later it swung open and there stood Dean and all his glory. His presence brought a smile to my face that I can't hide. "Hey." I breathed as my stare locked on his shirt, afraid to make eye contact.

In one movement his arm was braced behind my back as he pulled me into a hug. "What the fuck are you doing to me Paige?" He whispered into my hair, just barely loud enough for me to hear. I shrugged against his hold taking everything in. I could say the same thing.

"I'm sorry, I fucking overreacted." He pulled away and ran a hand throw his hair tossing it into a big mess. "I guess I'm just scared that you'll find somebody that actually deserves you. Why the fuck are you bothering with me anyway? Look at me I'm fucking pathetic." He shoved his hands into his chest roughly. I felt my stomach tie in a knot.

"There's nobody better for me then you, Dean. Sure you're a pain in the ass sometimes and you're fucking wacko but that makes you more unique and interesting. Everything about you draws me in. Nobody else can capture my attention quite like you." I grabbed his hands in mine as a smile grew across his face. He's got a beautiful smile for a guy who doesn't show it much.

"You're one delusional chick, Paige." He smiled before pulling me back into his chest. I want to spill it all out right here and tell him that I love him. But I can't. I can't find the words, and I don't want to spoil the moment. "But I'm your delusional chick." I laughed into his chest.

"I've been trying to find you at shows the past few nights but I couldn't find you until you're out there in your match, but you just disappeared afterwards. What's up with you?" He asked as we sat down on the couch. My eyes roamed his messy hotel room that he's already managed to destroy with only a few hours.

The only answer I have for his question is that I've been hiding from him, afraid that if we were to bump into eachother I'd blurt out my feelings and he'd run off all unsure of it. I've never been good with expressing my feelings and I don't want to say or do the wrong thing. I want him to know how much I mean it, and I want him to be able to say it back. But I don't know if he could say it and mean it as much as I do.

"I don't know, just been kinda' I don't know." I stuttered not making any sense. Dean raised his brow staring at me in almost a concerned, unsure stare. He didn't have to say anything for me to know he wants me to explain myself better. "I didn't want to run into you and then have some stupid arguement over everything and make it all worse, you know. All I seem to do is make everything worse." I blurted. It's not what I was afraid of saying but it's still the truth.

Dean shook his head, but a small smile had creeped upon his lips that sent an unsure tingle down my spine. "Stop saying that stupid shit. Fuck, since you've come along you've made everything for me so confusingly great. You've made absolutely nothing worse. I think you need to take a nap or something because you are beyond delusional, sweetheart."

So I took his advice and crawled into his somehow already messy hotel bed. Feeling his arms around me and his hot breath down the back of my neck just seemed to make everything so much better, yet worse. Here I am so fucking in love with this whack-job but I'm afraid to tell him. All the little things he does just causes me to fall more in love with him and that freaks me the hell out. I know this isn't something that I can just stop feeling if I had to, and if he can't say it back I know it'll ruin me... Just like he promised.