Rampaige

[36] Be prepared for the worst

I sat on my hotel bed staring down at my hands, the same hands that could have killed a poor women. I've never lost my temper like that and I've never felt so guilty after delivering a beating. I'm going fucking insane, I swear.

"Would you stop freaking yourself out? It's not as bad as you think. The tramp had it coming!" AJ interrupted my thoughts as she leaped onto the bed. I glanced up at her. "She's fine! It's all okay. Would you please pull yourself out of this pathetic pity party!" AJ whined.

I glanced at the clock, it's 11:43 PM. For most people it's past their bedtime but on the WWE schedule it's far too early for sleep. Even if we do have a 6 AM drive into Pittsburg. "Could you at least let me practice this new headlock I learned, on you?" AJ smiled up at me. I sighed, "Yeah if you leave me alone afterwards."

I felt myself fading in AJ's headlock after having it locked in for a good 30 seconds. It's a good one too, it's like you're set up for a DDT but instead it's a hold and there's no way out of it. She finally released me and I fell to the floor regaining myself. "Pretty neat isn't it?" She prided herself as she pulled me back to my feet. Yeah it's neat alright.

I laid in bed for hours unable to sleep. My minds a mess and I can't close my eyes without the horrible image of Layla's lifeless body being wheeled out of the locker room. I don't think I'll ever be the same again.

I glanced over at AJ who has been knocked out for the last hour and a half. Then I looked back at the clock, 2:34 AM. There's no way I'm getting any sleep like this. I need to find a way to clear my head

I zipped up my hoodie and stepped out into the frisky night air. The sky is clear and beautiful, it's distracting me from my crazy mind. I found a place in the grass to lay down and look at the stars. It's so peaceful and mind clearing. I should do this more often.

"Hey uh, you okay?" A mans voice asked. My eyes flicked open and I sat up in an immediate panic. I fell asleep out here. Thank god the sun hasn't risen yet. "I fell asleep, I was uh, stargazing." I rubbed my eyes. The body came in to focus and immediately I recognized him, Roman Reigns.

"Ha, didn't expect to run into to you out here." He smiled. "Got a lot on my mind, couldn't sleep." I pulled myself off of the ground. "Me too. It sucks doesn't it?" He frowned. I nodded in response. It really freakin' sucks.

"I was always told not to bottle up my feelings n' shit but I don't want to burden anybody with my ridiculous issues." I sighed, sitting on the bench next to Roman. He laughed, "Yeah, I can relate shortie." 

I've always seen Roman as a tough, fearless, and incredibly intimidating individual. You look at him and you don't think he has any issues in his life because you think he can just handle everything himself, with his huge fists. But everybody has problems they can't face. It kind of caught me by surprise. Roman's on the side of the enemy, Adalia Black, but here he is feeling almost as awful as I do and letting himself be completely vulnerable. 

A long silence followed creating a weird environment. My mind began to cloud itself with tonights happenings. It's not just the whole Layla thing that's bothering me, It's Dean too. He was so upset when he saw Randy and I hugging. I had explained to him before that he's just my friend. I don't know what more it'll take for him to believe me. If I tell him that I love him he'll probably just think it's some stupid excuse to keep him in my life or something.

"I love him." I said bluntly, not expecting the words to flow so easily out of my mouth. "You, what?!" Roman nearly yelled, surprised. "I don't know why, but I love Dean." I whispered.

"Have you told him?" He asked changing his tone. I shook my head, no. He let out a sigh of relief. "Be careful with that word. Dean's been in love before and the chick really messed with him. He doesn't have much trust for anybody, ya' know? He's the only constant he needs. Don't tell him that you love him unless you really mean it. You have to really want to put up with his pain in the ass, ass. Just use that word carefully with him, alright." Roman preached.

I don't know much of 'love', how it's supposed to feel or what you're supposed to do about it. I've never experienced love before. But whatever this is between me and Dean, it's a lot more than just a crush. It's more than just being friends and it's certainly not a friends with benefit type deal because there really hasn't been any benefits. It's just a bizarre, cozy feeling that I enjoy a lot.

I always thought love would be when you can be around a person and totally let loose, you don't have to put up an act or anything. It's all real, it's all raw, and that's exactly how it is with Dean. I never could really think up what love would feel like but I think I have a pretty good idea. It's just a constant happiness even if times are tough, that happiness hides behind the other emotions. It may not be evident but it's always there. I don't know exactly what love is like but I think I'm ready to find out.

"Do you think he'd say it back?" I asked subconsciously. Those words sliding out of my mouth shocked me. I hadn't actually thought about it. Could Dean love me back? Is he even capable of love anymore? What if he doesn't say it back? It could ruin everything.

"Dean's uh, he's a really complex dude. He's unpredictable. You think you know what his next move is but ya' don't. So I really can't answer that for you. But I know that if you really mean it, REALLY mean it, then you have to tell him. Just be prepared for the worst. You never know with that guy." 

Coming from a guy that's been real close with Dean for a very long time, it's some deep advice. It's not exactly what I was looking to hear but it's better than nothing. "Well I don't know what I'm going to do, but thanks." I forced out a smile. He sent me a toothy smile back. "Go get some sleep, you look horrible." He shoved my shoulder before heading back into the hotel. "Thanks asshole." I rolled my eyes and headed in as well.