BTS 8th member

Stress and crying

I was really stressed for past 1week. We all had a stressful week. All of them were busy with their schedules. I was lacking so much energy. I just ended up messing up the choreography and didn't perform that good. The hate comments as usual didn't stop but I just didn't care about it. I just don't know what is happening to me. I am just lonely and this stress is eating me away. It was agreed day today. All of them were just relaxing but me I was feeling so insecure. I stopped talking to the boys. They were busy and I didn't want to disturb them. I feel so useless right now.

I took a quick shower and went down to the dance room. I danced for several hours. I was out of breath. I didn't get my inhaler to the room. So I went upstairs breathing heavily. I saw that Jin oppa and jhope oppa were preparing breakfast fast. They looked at me.
"Are you fine"Jin oppa asked while he hold my arm.
I just nod.
"Wait here I will get the inhaler"jhope oppa said and went to my room.
I just rest my head on the couch . Jin oppa came back from kitchen with a glass of water.
"You fine right" he asked again. I nodded and thanked him.
Jhope oppa bought the inhaler. I pumped in the air and breathed heavily. I just closed my eyes and rested my head in the couch.
"Just take some rest ok"jhope oppa said and patted my back. I just stayed there for a while. I didn't sleep but just closed my eyes.

All of them came down. Jin oppa called us to eat breakfast. It was 11am. It was really late to eat breakfast. I just sighed and went to the dinning table. I sat between RM oppa and taehyung oppa. I started to eat.
"I am not getting a good sleep at all. It's making me go mad due to this schedule"Jimin oppa said.
"Ne . My whole body is aching. I just get tired easily" v oppa said.
"I know but we need to work harder. Today we have free day but that doesn't mean we will just have fun. We need to take rest for a while"Suga oppa said.
I started to feel so insecure now. I don't know but this stress is just making me crazy. I don't want them to know it.
"And one thing Anna sorry to say but you are lacking behind a lot. In the practice to you just mess it up"RM oppa said.
"Ne I have seen it too. Just work more harder. If not we will be behind and can't proceed"jungkook said.
I just said yes. I know how the members are feeling right now. Because of me they can't proceed. We finished our breakfast fast and gathered in living room to talk about schedules.

The members were discussing while I was in my own world worrying about myself and the members. I got interupted by jungkook
"Anna you listening"he asked. I nodded.
"We need to work harder . This may be stressful but just don't care about it. Let's do it"RM oppa said
I didn't know but tears were just rolling down my cheeks. I have no idea why I was crying. I guess it's because of this so called stress and I feel bad for the members. I don't want them to feel sad because of me. I sniffed a bit as my head was down.

"Anna what happened"v oppa asked. I just shook my head. Jimin oppa who was sitting beside me put his finger on my chin and lifted my head. I was crying so hard.
"Yeah what is wrong. Why are you crying"Jimin oppa asked while the boys attention was towards us. I just didn't speak.
"Anna tell us. Is something bothering you. We will help you. Jebal don't cry" jungkook said.
"Oppaaaaaa........ "I said and started to cry.
"Hey calm down. Just calm down. Don't cry"Suga oppa said while he held my hand.
"Tell what is it Anna. Is something bothering you. Did anyone tell something bad to you"Jin oppa asked.
"Oppa nothing happened. I am just feeling so insecure. This stress is eating my brain. I don't know what has gotten into me. I am so stressed. I feel like I am useless. I am really sorry for you guys. Because of me we all are lacking. I don't want you guys to get worried about me. I just don't know I don't know anything"I said and covered my face in my palms as I was sobbing quitely.

"Yeah it's ok. I know you are feeling stressed out. Just calm down. Don't feel stressed. We are here for you"RM oppa said.
"If you need something tell us. Share things with us. We will support you. You are not alone"Jimin oppa said and hugged me.
"Not only that oppa. Just an getting so much hate. I feel like I am not doing anything good to this group. I feel so useless in front of everyone. I feel like I didn't fulfill army's wish. Because of me you guys are getting hate. I don't want that. I dont want to see you guys in pain. You guys are also stressed out. I just don't want that" I said still sobbing quitely in Jimins chest.
I retained my posture as I wiped my tears.

"I know how you feel. You are not useless. The hate comments, you just ignore them. We all know that you are a great singer. Just don't stress yourself out. We are always there for you. We will support you when you are in pain"Jin oppa said.
"Anna listen to us. I know you feel so down right now. You don't want to see us like this. I get it. But you need to fight to reach your goal. It maybe be stressful. Just don't give up we all are there for you"Suga oppa said.
"Just don't cry. We will help you. Don't get stressed over. We are here to support you if you are feeling down. Don't cry. I don't want my dongseang to cry"v oppa said.

"You are not useless Anna. Army's are really great to have you in the group. We are really grateful to have you in the group. I know you suffered a lot while you were in the group. You did fight them back. Just stay strong. Everything will be fine"jhope oppa said.
"Please don't cry. We can't see you crying. We all are here for you. Just ignore all the hate comments and don't push yourself to hard. Take rest. Ok. We all are there for you"jungkook said.

We all had a group hug.
"Kamsahamida oppas. Saranghayo. Thanks for listening to me"I said
"Anything for you"they said.
"You have us ok. Now everything is fine"jungkook said.
"So as everything is ok let's watch a movie "v oppa asked.
"This guy is so hyped out"suga oppa said.
We just laughed.
"Ok fine. What will we see" RM oppa asked.
"Not now kids. We will eat lunch and then we will watch a movie"Jin oppa said.
"We are not kids anymore" we yelled at him. We just giggled.

"You are crying like a baby Anna" jungkook teased me. The maknae was imitating how I cried. I just smacked there heads. We had fun for a while.
After we eat we watched movie. We had lot of fun today.

I am really thankful for these boys to support me. If they wouldn't help me then I am just nothing. I felt a bit relieved as I shared things to them. They are really supportive and helpful. Now I can make them proud and all the army's will love us.