I don't know why I'm doing this anymore.
I just feel like sitting and doing absolutely nothing.
I give up.
I'm tired.
I'm done.
I can't anymore.
I don't want to go to school.
I don't want to go to the school dance.
I don't want to live.
I don't want to try.
I don't even want to open my eyes anymore.
I don't want to eat.
I'm just tired.
Life is too hard.
Life is too busy.
And I don't want people to do things for me anymore.
Because it always comes with a cost.
There's always something to owe.
There's always something.
If things are done for you then things need to be done so that things can be done for you.
Or if it's a gift.
I don't want to live.
It's like they don't understand.
Like they don't see I'm dead inside and that they are making me feel worse.
They are making my process of coming back to life not work.
It's at a stand still everytime.
And it just gets worse.
It moves backwards.
It's not working and I'm not healing.
All I want is for them to.understand that small things can seem huge to me and hurt like ten thousand knives.
It's like they don't see, that when a person is so weak already, a mole hill can seem like a mountain.
And then they give up.
Suicide.
It's always on my mind now.
Just like when I was 18.
And 16.
And 15.
And 13.
And 12 and 11.
It's always there.
I'm 20 now.
I got worse at 19.
I don't want to relapse again.
I'm on medication.
It doesn't seem to be working anymore.
I'm back where I started.
Exploding all the time
Erupting like a volcano.
I'm angry.
Tired.
Numb.
And I don't have any hope.
I'm so done.
I am sorry
But
I just can't do this anymore.
I know I've been mean.
I know I've said hurtful things.
I know I'm not innocent.
