Have you ever asked yourself why people choose to run a bathtub full with water before eventually cutting their wrist to bleed out?
Have you ever wondered why they choose to do it in a bathtub instead of just in their bed like normal people?
Or on the floor in the bathroom, or wherever it is that they'll get privacy?
Have you even been curious about the truth behind this suicidal act?
Well the truth is, only a vast majority of people actually know why.
And honestly, most people who choose to go out this way don't even know why they chose to do it this way, or at least they don't know the real reason behind why the first person who has, chose to do it this way.
And that's the thing, only a suicidal person or somebody who actually understands, knows why this is how the act happens.
And it's not all that nonsense you keep hearing or reading.
It's not 'the water is warm and causes you to bleed out faster'
It's not 'the water is cold therefore it numbs the pain'
It's not 'easier to clean up your mess after you die'
It's none of the nonsense you think you know.
It's so that, if somebody were to come in and see you bleeding out - because FYI, it takes a while for you to actually bleed to death - they wouldn't have the chance to save you.
The possibility of them saving you would be slimmer because, hey, if they did manage to get you too hospital before you bled out completely - it would already be too late.
You'd be in a coma.
Your lungs would be filled with water.
Hence why you were in a coma.
The bleeding would not be the source of your death.
But drowning would.
So it's not about bleeding out and creating some kind of romanticised atmosphere.
It's about the simple fact that if you do not bleed out fast enough, you'd surely drown faster.
Your body's weak.
It won't keep you up when it's weak.
You're drowsy.
You slip under water.
You drown.
You die.
Have you ever wondered why people choose to die this way?
It's so that there's no turning back.
I slit my wrists, I wanted to feel the pain because all I felt was numb.
I needed to feel something before I died.
So next time you slit your wrists make sure you feel absolutely nothing before you decide to die. Because if you can still feel, there's still hope for you.
Very little.
But still.
And if you are numb and don't feel anything at all.
I'm not gonna try and stop you, I get you. I understand.
Just don't confuse the feeling of pain in your chest for being numb.
Don't confuse the feeling of heavy with the feeling of nothing.
If you are truly numb. And this is your go to method, fill the tub with warm water. The kind that's comfortable to bath in.
Not the burning kind that stings your skin.
Not the cold kind that curls your toes.
When this is your method,
Keep your clothes and be conservative.
Because you should leave the way you always were in life.
I believe you were a humble person.
Hence why you took everything so harshly.
Dress nicely, warmly or comfortably.
It's your choice.
Get into that warm bath you've prepared for yourself.
Remove the sleeves from your wrists if you have any.
Sit back, relax.
Drag the blade slowly across your skin.
Feel the pain, because you didn't feel a thing.
Know that you're doing this to feel something for once.
Drink it up.
You've achieved something.
Smile.
Your smile might not stay on your face as you die.
But the peace that came with it and left with you, will remain on your face.
You are still truly beautiful on the inside, you just didn't see it anymore.
I hope you're at ease now even though the world is in hell somewhere because of you.
It wasn't your fault.
It wasn't theirs.
You don't blame.
And you still won't.
Though I'm glad you're okay now.
If not alive, at least in heaven.
I love you.
Kristen.
And remember, p.s. you want to feel warm when you go out.
(April 15, 2018)
