Words.
They're don't have to be negative to me. And they usually aren't.
They're just words.
But words, they've been my only weakness. I couldn't ever face words head in if they had to be thrown at me from harsh voices and high altitudes.
They're just words.
Nad sometimes for no reason, they broke me. They hurt me a little.
Sometimes you shouldn't have said anything. Anything.
Yet you did, and when I was on my worst, you didn't know. And I'm sorry for not telling you. But I was.
And the simple things. Things that should have meant nothing, stung like knives going through my skin and piercing my body like needles. Big needles.
You had no idea. I was sensitive.
I wasn't as tough as I seemed.
And boy, had I seemed tough.
The point is you shouldn't have yelled. They added to it.
You shouldn't have spoken harshly.
You shouldn't have, "...never mind."
"...forget it."
And you didn't know, but you shouldn't have.
I'm not blaming you because you didn't know.
So don't blame yourself. Just know to be gentle with people.
Stop being so loud.
Stop being so angry.
Be calm. Gentle. Please.
And gosh, I did this to myself.
I did, I made myself feel worthless.
But there were so many signs and I think you guys never saw them.
I think you never noticed.
I think you ignored them.
I guess it's only obvious now that I'm gone. Maybe you guys will be more open to them now though.
I wish you could have helped me,you probably could have
But I was sick of talking because all I ever did was talk.
Complain.
You never took me seriously.
I hope you do now.
And though I'm no longer there there are other people who need you to take them seriously.
It's true, when you're depressed you can do things to push the feelings away but the feelings just come back when you're done and your heart stops beating so fast.
That's why sleeping was a hassle.
Whenever I stopped doing something, the feelings came back stronger than ever.
Maybe I needed medication.
Maybe it seems like I don't care.
I did.
I just didn't want to be the one to care anymore.
I cared too much.
I wanted you to care.
You.
I wanted you to see.
I wanted you to see it, to see me.
I didn't want to force it on you anymore than I already have. It was your turn
to care
I was so done. So tired of caring already.
I pushed myself to the point it was too late.
Had I tried sooner, younger.
Maybe you'd have noticed.
The things is, you didn't
You didnt see.
I know I should have stayed. I'm sorry I didn't.
You could help me, but I couldn't wait anymore.
I wanted to stay. I couldn't anymore.
This is just another suicide note.
And I'm sorry but I know that I actually am going to kill myself before I even get to achieve what I've planned for myself.
Before I get to have 7 children and later adopt 3 more.
Before I get to be a married woman to the guy of my dreams.
Before I get take make the friends I've always wanted.
Before I get to record my first album.
Before I get to fix my phone.
Before I get to sing on a stage.
Before I start my own fashion line.
Before I travel the world.
Before studying in my dream country, city, university.
Before all my dreams become as reality. I so sorry.
I'm sorry because those things eat such to me.
I'm sorry because you meant everything to me.
Everyone of you reading this.
I'm sorry for dying.
I'm sorry for dying like this.
I'm sorry.
