An Outlet: Part 4

12 August, 2018.

I woke up at 7:30 today.

Why you ask? Because it was one of my friends' birthday treat today and she was treating us to some swimming time followed by brunch. I think it was a good plan. So I woke up very early, took a shower and got ready.

It was only when I was about to leave that I realised that my net pack had expired and if I didn't refill it, I would not be able to use the internet which helps with my GPS and messages, nor will I be able to call anyone which was an extreme bad news. It was pretty early in the morning so no phone shops would have been open. Since I am a non-independent small child, I still don't make card/online payments on my own. So I had to force my dad to wake up and buy me a new one. Sorry!

Soon after that I packed my bag and left for the place. I reached the desired station and for the first time in a long time, I got confused with the directions even after using GPS. The station as well as the area surrounding the station somehow didn't give me good vibes and I tried to find a cab but couldn't. Honestly, I would have walked the entire way if I had the time- because I am most comfortable walking in unknown areas rather than take a ride- but it was almost a half an hour walk and I was already late.

I saw some stationery cabs on the other side and decided to ask them for directions. They told me to take their cabs as they were headed towards the same direction and apparently it would cost really less compared to a normal cab (this was a share cab). Now I am used to share cabs because of my work but that was at some other station and because I had company, I knew that I'd land up at my destination. Here, I was totally unsure. Plus the place was already giving me the creeps. Since I had no other option, I decided to take the share cab, only after confirming 2-3 times that the dude will take to me the desired destination.

Throughout the entire ride, I was glued to the GPS to check whether he's taking the correct route, even if it drained my battery. At one point, the cab seemed to not take the turn that I wanted. Granted that the lane was small and we were on the main road and I would have to walk quite a bit but I wanted to follow my GPS route. Besides, people were getting off one by one and my paranoid self didn't want to be stuck in the cab alone.

So I got off and walked the entire way. Seems like it would have been a better choice to not leave the cab. Because I had to walk a lot and I landed up at the back gate of the massive club. Fortunately, the security guard allowed me in instead of me having to walk the entire way to the front (and I didn't know the way or how long it would take for me to reach the front gate). So I went in and finally met my friends. I was so relieved!

So I said that this was a swimming plan. Now the last time I swam was in 2015 and that was in Malaysia. The reason why I didn't swim after that, or passed every swimming opportunity was because by that time, I had developed a fear of depths. In the beginning, it was only fear of large water bodies but that day in Malaysia, when my brother and I were the only ones swimming in that huge swimming pool, I just couldn't. I was shocked because this had never happened to me before and even though I can't swim properly, I can atleast do some hands and leg movements to stay afloat!

But I never found the courage to go swimming after that day. Another reason why I didn't swim was something I just mentioned before. I can't swim properly. I have seen other people swim and they are good. They can swim! I learnt swimming when I was young but I don't think what I do counts as swimming. I just splash water here and there which is a very wrong technique. And then when I see these other people swimming properly, I get very self conscious.

Now that we are on the topic of self consciousness, there is one more reason why I don't swim. Body issues. My body has constantly grown, fat-wise, since I was in the 9th grade. I believe that was also the time I bought my current swimsuit. I rarely wear body hugging clothes because they show my big, weirdly shaped, bulging figure. I always go for oversized stuff. But swimsuits, as you can guess, are body hugging and do show my figure, resulting in me going INSECURITY ALERT! Besides, my swim suit looks a bit old fashioned.

I had all of these thoughts when my friend asked me if I was okay with a swimming plan. I was going to say no but then I was like, "maybe today is the day I could challenge myself, challenge both my fears and insecurities". And I did.

My two friends and I changed and then started from the 3ft side of the pool first, obviously because of me. Oh, more reason I hesitated from swimming was because you can't wear glasses in the pool and since I have a really high number, I'm practically blind without my specs. So because I didn't wear my specs, I couldn't see anyone's faces. Therefore, even if anyone was looking at my direction, I didn't realise it. And there went my body issues for the day. Hurrah!

Anyways, we chilled for a bit in the 3ft pool, chatting and just getting used to the feeling of being in the cold water. Eventually, we moved to the deeper section. I held onto to side of the pool the entire length to the 13 feet side. We decided to touch our feet to the bottom of the floor but I couldn't leave the side the of the pool. My friends took the shorter lap in the 13 ft pool and after sometime, I gained some couraged and swam with them. And I did it! Nobody said anything about my swimming and again, if any stranger was looking and silently judging my swimming, I couldn't see the person!

So we took some short laps and then eventually took the big laps from the 13 ft side to the 3 ft side and back. I had gotten quite a lot of confidence by the end and I even managed to leave the side of the pool and touch my feet to the 13ft pool floor. You have no idea how accomplished I felt.

I'm really grateful to my two friends who helped me through this. They were extremely patient and supportive. They waited with me in the 3ft pool until I was comfortable to go to the deeper side. They didn't mock me or make me feel bad over my fears. And the best thing is that even though they didn't force me to do anything, they put in constant efforts to give me courage to atleast give swimming one more try. Thank you!❤

All in all, it was a very fun experience. We came out of the pool, took showers and freshened up.

We then waited at a the park for one of our other friends to come and then went to the restaurant for brunch (well, it was post 12PM so technically, this was lunch). We spoke about how we all became friends and our basic friend journey in college. We also prank called a couple of people which was hilarious. Eventually, we got done by 4:30 and left for home.

Grandad had come to visit by the time I came home. Felt great!