An Outlet: Part 4

29 August, 2018.

Bootless.

That was my main feeling throughout the day.

I left for college around 10:00AM today cause apparently my friend circle wanted to discuss about a surprise for one friend's upcoming birthday. On the way, one of my marketing assignment mates asked me if I'm willing to bunk all lectures today to work on the assignment. I agreed cause I literally hadn't done anything for it. Also, later on I found that I actually had no class today apart from the marketing one which was 2:30PM. So it was good that I didn't miss any class. 

I met my other group mates and we spent the entire day working on the excel sheet. I was still confused with the project and none of their explanations were making any sense to me. Besides, since I didn't have any specific subtopic to work on, I was able to come up with my own points. I thought I just had a mental block yesterday and that I'll be able to contribute today but nope, throughout the entire day, I saw the others working on the excel and filling their cells but my part remained empty until the very end. Since everyone were getting tired of their own parts, I couldn't even ask them to help me. Something came up every time I did so and I really had no clue what's my role in this team. I couldn't even join in on the fun parts because I didn't know how to react. I was the black hole of this group and I did not like that feeling.

My points were not complete even when the class began. And there was quite a lot of frustration and slight animosity within the group at the end. The first group displayed their excel sheet but the professor immediately dissed all their points and told us that we haven't understood the assignment. Yeah no shit, how will we understand if you don't explain things properly in the first place genius?! The professor explained the project and I had some amount of clarity this time around. Which also meant that we have to rework the entire thing now. There are certain aspects that I still don't understand but I will put in more effort this time around.

After the lecture, Paul, Kristen and I spoke for quite some time. Then started another round of uselessness. Paul has taken the public economics class and has been researching and reading up about the government control. He has developed his own views on the topic and has even had discussions with his father about it. He told us about all of this and I didn't have much to offer. I wanted to eat instant noodles today again and I was ready to get rejected when I asked them if we could continue our discussion at the canteen. Thankfully, they agreed and we went there.

I know this isn't an healthy feeling and I shouldn't assume things but I think my valueless in Kristen's eyes has decreased now. When I shared something that I found amusing, she wasn't amused. But she had a completely different reaction to something that Paul found amusing. Yeah. mostly the problem is with me and I can't say things that interest any one else but that doesn't help my feelings of worthlessness.

I thought I was a deep thinker but listening to Paul today, I really have to rethink it. He told us that he thinks has figured out life and went on with an hour long monologue of his thoughts on life and what he perceives life as. He told us about his concept on limited space, alternate universe, property of existence, etc etc. He clearly has thought a lot of about and seems passionate to figure out more. Kudos to that. My deep thinking is nothing compared to his. 

Also, even here Kristen was able to contribute and listed out books and movies relevant to what he was saying. I again had nothing to offer. As most of the times, it was as if the two of them were having a conversation and I was an eavesdropper. It felt bad that I had no opinions regarding anything. That feeling sucks man. I want to be actively participant in such conversations, have a viewpoint of my own and be ready to defend them when needed.

I had to leave around 7PM while they continued on with the discussion. Paul didn't want me to leave but I don't know if he really meant that or was just saying it to not make me feel unimportant.

I reached my station and upon Alex's request, bought some bell peppers and spring onion on my way home. I got a huge email from my dad today. I am in currently in the last year of my undergraduate degree but even after repeated reminders for the past few months, I haven't put in efforts to research and decide what route I want to take after I graduate. My dad wanted me to figure out things and talk to him about it. But he has gotten tired of waiting for me and has now prepared a template for me to start my research. Honestly, it's wrong but this is what I wanted. I wanted to understand a place to start researching from. I feel bad that I procrastinated to such a point that my dad had to intervene but I think I'll be more motivated to figure out my life now. Thanks dad and I'm sorry.

Today, BTS appeared on the Indian News channel and I don't know what to feel about this. I thought it will take quite some time for Indian media to take notice of Kpop. BTS' IDOL breaking Taylor Swift's record to become the most viewed Youtube video in 24 hours has become a huge thing and I was pleasantly surprised when they not only showed BTS but also spoke about KPop as a whole. From howmuchever I saw, the news even showed TWICE and Big Bang.

I think it was around Jan when I had recently gotten acquainted with KPop and only knew BTS and Exo, I had come across this series called 'Exciting India'. In this show, 5 idols (Exo's Suho, SHINee's Minho, Super Junior's Kyuhyun, Infinite's Sunggyu and  C.N Blue's Jonghyun) visited Mumbai for a couple of days to find out why KPop wasn't so popular in India as compared to other Asian countries and what should Kpop be doing to break into the Indian pop culture market. They had to create a news report and if found worthy, it would be broadcasted at the prime news hour on the KBS News channel.

I don't want to talk much about the show because I don't know what to feel about it. But I was sure that I'm never going to see anyone of these idols in India ever again because of the way their not-so-great experience here. 

Anyways, in that show they came to a conclusion that Bollywood is the way to enter the Indian market. I personally don't think that is true. Even though I have completely lost touch with Bollywood since the past two years or so, I know that playback singers will never get as much fame and fan following as the acting pairs do. Even directors are more in the limelight than singers, regardless of how beautiful their voices are. When you listen to Bollywood, you think more about the dance/visual and beats/flow of the song rather than who is singing it. And since in the movies or just that music video, you just see the actors lip syncing the lyrics, the singer never comes to your mind. There are only a few singers like Arijit Singh, Shreya Ghoshal, etc who have come to the same status as film stars but not for too long. 

So, according to me, Bollywood is not the way for KPop to crack India. Even at the time I watched the show, I knew a way. It is the same way BTS is now seemingly getting attention in India:

Become big in the west.

Ever since I was in school, the 'popular' kids knew and sang English (mostly from the US) songs more than Hindi ones. Knowing English songs had become a cool thing and eventually it became an overall youth culture to know English songs. Plus its not limited to songs or the youth. India as a society heavily gets influenced by the west whether it is songs, movies, food, fashion, business, education and overall standard of living. It's kinda controversial but India does follow the west in a lot of ways. 

This is why if things get viral in the US or the UK, India will take notice of it. Since the end of 2017, BTS has grown huge in the US and broken into the US market. This has paved way for other KPop acts to also get their round of interviews with the US media ever since. You're getting high recognition there? It is only time until you get recognition from the Indian Market as well. 

Okay now let me get back to Exciting India and just say something. I watched the show somewhere in Jan when I was just getting to identify the members of Exo, including Suho (infact Suho was the last person who I could recognize from the Exo). Apart from Suho, I had absolutely no clue who the other 4 people were. I instantly found Minho attractive tho (as in I didn't know his name then but yeah). I used to look at the comments of the episode and knew that a lot of people liked them and all them seemed a tad bit disappointed/ amused when nobody recognized them and were instead asked to take pictures of other locals.

It was only a couple of weeks later that I realized why it was such a big deal for nobody to recognise these people! All of these people are the biggest Kpop idols in South Korea! Suho is the frickin' leader of Exo, one of the two leading boy bands currently. Sunggu is loved by so many fans. Minho is the visual of SHINee and Kunhyun is the maknae of Super Junior, two successful boy bands that have been created by SM Entertainment, the biggest entertainment company in South Korea. This show had a brilliant cast but oh well.