An Outlet: Part 4

17 October 2018.

I had a practical IAPM test today.

I did study for it yesterday but for some reason my mind went black throughout the test. I wasn't even able to remember the formulae properly.

This time our main test was to be done on an excel sheet and if we weren't comfortable, we could do it in writing as well but that would be very time consuming. Since I had forgotten the formulae itself, I was able to solve the sums on neither of the formats.

Gurtley was on one side of me and a smart student on the other and they were getting closer to the answer according to the professor. But I don't normally cheat so I didn't ask them for the answers. But throughout the duration of that test, I felt so bad about not being able to solve a single thing correctly. I absolutely love Finance which is why it hurts more when I'm not able to do well in it.

My confidence had fully broken by the time I turned in my paper. The professor looked at my paper and looked surprised with the all wrong answers. He asked me if hadn't studies for the test and I just left the room without answering him because I didn't know how to answer that. Also, I was on the verge of tearing up so I just ignored him and went outside the class to Gurtley who was waiting for me.

But, my professor, very unexpectedly, came out of the class to ask me if everything was alright with me. I knew I was going to cry but I didn't want to do that in front of the others which is why I had ignored him. But now that we were outside the classroom I couldn't control any longer. He asked me to calm down and gave me a chance to revise and appear for the test again with the second batch which was to be held after a couple of hours.

That was very sweet of him. He is one of those professors who already has some of his favourites whom he might favour (and go partying with) and didn't seem to be the kind to care for anyone else. So I had never expected him to speak to me like this. Maybe being a sincere student counts at times?

Gurtley and I went to our scheduled Accounts class. I did not want to waste any time and wanted to start revise Finance then and there but Gurtley explained to me that if I don't pay attention in this class as well, I might find it difficult to study during the exams. Besides, I needed a break form the subject for a while.

After the lecture, both of us went to the resident canteen and bought some food. Gurtley helped me revise the formulae and also made me solve the sums that had come for the paper. Thank you so much Gurtley! That was so sweet of you! I knew that the second batch was going to get tougher questions so I prepared for that as well.

At around 2:45, I went to give the test again and yes! This time I got it! As expected, this time's sum was more difficult than the morning one. We had an option between that difficult sum and two other sums (to be solved together. So basically we had an option between 1 difficult sum vs 2 relatively easy sums). Our professor advised us not to go for the difficult sum because it was too time consuming. But since this was my second attempt, I went for the difficult one. My professor came up to me, gave me a little advice (to break down the formula on excel to avoid mistakes) and yes! I figured it out! I got the sum correct! Thank you Sir! Thank you Gurtley!

Wow that was such a relief. As I said before, I really like Finance and want to do well in it. Which is why it gets frustrating when I don't get things despite studying for it. I'll try not to pressurise myself too much about this tho.