An Outlet: Part 4

20 September, 2018.

I have read quite a lot about panic attacks. Even though I get heavily anxious sometimes, I do not really experience panic attacks symptoms like palm sweating, tingling/numb hands, breathing difficulties etc. I feel really nice about this.

I went to college and there were very few kids but that's why today's class was good. Majority of the people in our college study for the sake of getting marks, despite the institute's ideology of making us ready for the practical world. Thus for certain subjects, they don't want to know the logic behind things. They just want to know quick formulae to solve the sums and get the marks.

The bunch of kids who turned up today think otherwise. We wanted to know the practical application of what we're taught and that's how the professor taught us. I guess even he was happy to see that there are people who care about logic more than marks.

This class would have been extended by another (upon our request, because it was going so well!) if the other class hadn't shown up but alas.

It was only Kristen in the beginning so they were considering cancelling the class. I guess this triggered Kristen because she had been waiting in college for the class for hours. She even burst out at a couple classmates because of her frustration.

Today I saw all of the saved stuff on Insta and some YouTube videos. I'm caught up on almost everything now.

I was just skimming through my past journal and I realised something. Actually I had realised it a long time back but today I actually saw it.

For the past 4 years, the months of July, August, September and even October, I guess, have been the worst time of the year for me. Maybe it's because of the new beginnings or some other reason I do not know of. But this year, everything has been going very well. Ofcourse I have days when I get sad and or am in a bad mood but it's not for a prolonged time as it was the last 4 years. AND THAT'S SO GOOD! I'M SO HAPPY!

I'm proud that I haven't allowed myself to fall back into a place of darkness (which is where my handle name comes from). Believe me or not but it takes lot of time to get out of it and a lot of self control to not get into it again. Girl, I'm proud of you. Keep it up. :)