Oh, it's the Golden Maknae's time, isn't it?
Dear Jeon Jungkook,
JK... There is something about you that totally captures me and I haven't been able to pin point that even to this date.
All of BTS' members are gorgeous looking and seem to have nice personalities. But for some reason, when I first saw the Flinch video, you were the one who caught my eye instantly, even if you didn't talk or get much individual screen time. Then I went and saw the DNA performance and I was smitten.
You are the primary reason I got so unexpectedly attached to BTS and KPop and I would like to thank you for it. I started watching more of BTS vids after that day because I wanted to see more of you. And it eventually led me to recognize the other members as well and just how good Kpop music is. This is a huge thing considering I rarely feel so much for celebrities. In just couple of days, I could at least give some kind of name to this feeling. Jeon Jungkook, you're my bias. And in these past couple of months, I have come to realize that you're my ultimate bias.
I am not going to hide that I find you undeniable attractive. The way you look, the way you dance, the way you sing, your voice, the way to you perform, the cute you, the sexy you, all of it. And then your personality. It is so dynamic that I cannot really put you under one bracket (except, maybe, the strong category). You had said that you think you're a manifestation of all the other members and I think it is true. And I love it.
The members have said that you're the Golden Maknae, someone who starts out as above average in everything new he does and I cannot agree more. You're effortlessly good at things. And what's more amazing is that you are neither overconfident/prideful because of such compliments nor do you deny them and look like there's a lot of burden put on you (even though there might be). One of your talents that I'm in awe with (besides your incredible singing and dancing skills) is your athletic skills. Boy you're fast. Too fast. I had figured it while watching some of the vids but when I saw you in the Idol Olympics relays... damn.
One more thing that I love about you is your relation with the other members. You are really respectful towards them and treasure and love them. One solid proof of it is when you said that your biggest worry is when the members worry. Some where in the beginning of this year, I did think you were a little insensitive towards V at that time but I'm happy that it has changed. I hope that you continue to be the best dongsaeng they can ever get.
I had decided that these messages will be really personal. So JK, I would like to apologise to you. I feel like sometimes I take you for granted, take the word 'bias' for granted. I don't know how to explain it but in the middle I did not look forward to what you did because I assumed that you would be doing great anyways. I didn't appreciate your high notes very much because I expected you to hit them, I did not look forward to new visuals from you because I knew you'd be looking great, did not pay attention to what you said, because I knew it would be something nice. I kind of ignored you because I knew there's nothing that could shake you off from the top of my bias list. I'm just starting to rectify it and I'm pretty sure I'll be back to where I started.
Humility and constant thrive for improvement and yes, getting out of your comfort zone, are some things that I learn from you. I completely relate to you in the way that you were super shy and reserved when you first came to Seoul and you've gradually opened up and how!
Happy Birthday Jeon Jungkook/Jungkook! Hope you stay happy with your life as Jungkook or Jeon Jungkook. I purple you!💜
It's time for a sleepover!
I left my house around 5PM and even bought some snacks on my way to the station.
After reaching the station I realised why people avoid train travel. THERE WERE SO MANY FUCKING PEOPLE! My college timings are so perfect that I never get a rush. And even if they are during rush hours, I always have an option of waiting for a convenient and less crowded train (because the last station for those specific trains is just one station away from mine) and you bet your ass I do wait. But today I had to go the opposite side of that route and I had no option but to take the trains that I usually avoided. I hadn't thought all of this through (since I normally don't have to) and I landed up having to take the train during the rush hour which is THE WORST time to take a train.
I was at the station and I had to leave one train unless I wanted to risk hanging out of the train and praying for my dear life. There was an equal amount of crowd for the next train as well but thankfully I was a little ahead than before and successfully got in among the whole pushing and shoving. Now all I had to do was endure the pushing, shoving and a whole lot of abuses until the last station.
At one point we waited for quite long at one station. I thought it was a normal thing for this route but apparently it was taking more time than necessary for the train to move on to the next station. It was only later when we saw someone carrying a stretcher that we realised someone got run over by the train. I don't know if the person survived or not but I don't know why would the person even think of risking his life and walk over the tracks. There are designated bridges or subways made for going from one platform to the other. Make bloody use of them! Laziness is not accepted when your life is at stake. And you know what the sad part is? It's not uncommon for people to lose their lives like this here. Despite several warnings, there are certain people who refuse to listen to something which is for their own safety.
Anyways, I finally reached the desired station, a full 45 mins later than I expected. Then I went to Amanda's house! We greeted each other and pulled Alex's leg via a phone call (he didn't have the time or energy to come). We spoke for quite a long time and I also accompanied Amanda to go do some last minute grocery shopping.
After dinner, we had a very serious discussion. Somehow my conversation with Amanda turned towards the topic of marriage. I think we were talking about her relationship with her boyfriend and then progressed to love vs. arranged marriage. I, for my part don't understand both the things. I have never 'fallen in love', nor have I felt like dating anyone so I did not understand what it meant to love someone.
On the other hand, arrange marriage is the scariest concept I have ever come across in my life. How can you decide to spend the remainder of your life with someone who never knew about your existence or whose existence you never knew of in your life before. I take A LOT of time to get close to someone and trust them. How do you expect me to trust my life with a person and LOVE him only in a few weeks or months when I have never felt the same for anyone in life before that? Besides, whenever the families meet, everyone's bound to put their best foot forward so how will you decipher if you will actually be happy in that household. Coming to families, its a really big and difficult thing to adjust according to me. Typically, the girl and the guy have been brought up in two different households, with two different styles of cooking, two different belief systems, two different habits, two entirely different lifestyles. In India, the females have to leave their house and adjust to the male's household. I literally see my struggling to do this. I am definitely not ready and I don't think I ever will be.
While I was talking to Amanda about this, I remembered that just a couple of days ago, mom had told me that I'll have to get married in 4 years. And I burst out crying in front of Amanda under that pressure. Amanda did her best to console me. She supports love marriage more than arranged marriage, but she thinks that it is only now that I may not feel ready. Mindsets and viewpoints will constantly keep on changing and mine might change to. Besides, my mom was probably joking when she said that. No one can force me to marry unless I feel ready to do so.
Amanda shares everything with her mom (and I mean EVERYTHING) so she brought this topic up when her mom also came to talk to us. About arrange marriage, she said that one needs to trust their parents in matters like this. Relatives are the ones who can give you information about the boy and his family and they won't come to you if they don't think that the families will go well. Plus, you can continuously meet the person until you are satisfied that the person can take care of you. I don't agree with the whole relatives-should-be-trusted-thing because you're not fully yourself in front of your relatives either, are you?
At this point, I'm more inclined love marriages. Should I actively start looking for someone or even start going out? But I get uncomfortable even thinking about dating. Ah, fuck it. I need to concentrate on my career. Besides during this conversation I learnt that one of my sisters has decided not to get married so I think I have some hope to do the same.
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An Outlet: Part 4
Non-FictionThis piece of writing is mostly for myself. I want this to act as my journal. I've always tried to see life from others' perspective. I think it's time to see it from mine. This can act as a rough draft of my life. If you're very nosy and want to kn...
