Second oneshot book

Dissin' Finland~Stylenny (South Park.)

Yes I'm sassing my own country and putting political ideals into some goddamn sensible thing. Also, Kenny talks like I talk when I get in that mood. I've been told I sound black? Honey, no, I just have sass.
Warnings: Cursing and making fun of a couple of countries. AU, Kenny's Finnish.
Ages: 16.
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Kenny's POV.

"Didn't you have those two 10 years old blonde motherfuckers? How are they doing, Ken? Still hate them?"

"I've desensitised myself to Eino and Aapeli. Holy fuck...... I throughly thought I was memeing now I might SLIGHTLY love it more than that. They are ten and getting the white girl to leave her black friend for them. Because these are the Nordic countries, the place where everyone is a goddamn mattress white unless they are an immigrant, have escaped taxes or the winter and if we're lucky it's the next generation of immigrations. Also the token black person is WORSE, most people don't bother but when they do, racism spotted. Most of edgy kids who want a girl or boy hate Asians and always saying the N-word is fine if you ain't talking about Jews, then you're cancelled, bitch! Because we ain't over the fact we were on those Nazi fuck's side. Bitching much? Nobody here fucking went to Germany, we barely have Jews. That's why I'm so utterly fascinated by them, y'all barely exist here unlike them pots (Britain and America). Daddy Russia wouldn't let them in because Putin, sir, don't want them there. So immigrants come up Lapland, meaning they go through a place that's cold as BALLS to get here, some are near amputation because of the cold since daddy Russia wants the security of the boarder topnotch and Finland is too damn scared or respectful because we're the bitch. Lady Finland is too busy being a perfect housewife and watching Sweden and Lady Britain go at it like 'bitch, I'm old too'. Let me tell you, Finland is just always being  the bitch unless it's Estonia. Then Finland is like 'Give back the national anthem, made it with darling Germany' and then they realise they sound more like Nazi but also realise that Germany's changed and that Finland and Germany have been friends far before that bullshit," I say.

"I watched Hetalia and now that just doesn't sound right," Stan says, after a long second.

"Oh let me get more into y'all's heads then! Lady Britain is Lady Finland's favourite to go to for success. If you are successful, America or Britain are where you go because you ain't getting successful with the home language. Lady Britain is closer, we go for Scotland a lot. Like 'we can't fucking understand you but you're fascinating, I wanna live there.' Wales ain't it, too small for our giant egos. England's like where most fuckers settle. And if you ask, most say 'Northern Ireland? Whose that?' All Ireland's are out, that's not our lane."

"Are you hating on your own country?" Kyle asks.

"To be honest, if Hetalia was realistic, Finland would be a whore. We like our sexual shit too much, it ain't the German who have the weird porn. We can't hold up to the Japanese but our porn is weird."

"I mean.... I really wanna hear what Finland's relationship with America is from your perspective," Kyle says.

"If they were people? 'Purely business', got drunk, hit it, now Finland's wanting more and more. Finland's taking EVERYTHING from America and lady Britain, copycats you see. Finland's like the ultimate 'hey can I copy your homework?' and both respond 'Sure but change it a little' and Finland just translated it to Finnish. HELL, they have same jokes if you listen to them next to each other. I mean, Finland's gotta suck Russia's dick while America fucks it up the ass. You saw it! Putin and Trump came here! Why? Finland's respectful as fuck to both but especially daddy Russia though she beat him up bad in the winter war."

We all laugh.

"Then, if I may, I would like to move onto Asia. Half the Finns get all defensive from this but being racist towards Asians is just fine if it gets you that ass... or that pussy. Whatever. But the other half love them So Finland has a love-hate relationship to Asia. But we be like, when the Philippines get hurt, Finland's on that immediately, just trying to spread awareness. None of the other islands get this attention, just Philippines. Finland has a bit of a crush on them, I guess. Then there is everyone else who Finland also likes but when the Philippines have problems, Finland drops EVERYTHING and starts talking about it."

"I can't tell if I'm happy my significant other is this obsessed with dissing their country but at the same time I love it," Stan says.

"We ain't done though. Finland's gotten more active lately, Lady Britain is  flirtin' with us and darling Sweden ain't got nothing new but they also are still like 'am I a big brother or a lover? Can't tell, fuck it.' America giving Finland attention and she's like 'keep spoiling me, only Russia normally does it this much' but I'm rooting for Germany like that one's a sweetheart in the friendzone. Finland loves them with bloody history, like 'oooh, you're a bad boy/girl? Interested.' Also, Finland's pan, I'm pretty sure of it. Anyone flirts? She is happy with it."

"Why is Finland 'she'?" Kyle asks.

"Oh the land is in the shape of a woman, Finns call it Lady Finland sometimes. Anyone I use She for has a land I would make a woman personally. Britain's a bad bitch, Philippines are a soft boy and so on."

"I love you because you made me not being able to read the news even worse," Stan says.

"I love you too because I will forever have an imagine of Finland being fucked from  two directions in my head."

"I love you both too. But yeah, gotta go, y'all's clocks are late so it's fucking night over here."