When the Stars Align (Anthony Rizzo)

27| One Year

Kelsey

A year ago today I woke up like I did every day before. I got changed and grabbed Tatiana and Isaiah and took them to school. I met my mom over at the planetarium and we went to work. We talked to the schools and the common folk who strolled in here on a dreary Wednesday afternoon looking for something to do in Chicago and stay dry. Eventually it was quitting time and we headed home for the night. Trevor picked the kids up from school and dad was back after picking up leaves in a neighbors yard. I helped my mom make us dinner and we gathered around the table. We talked about our favorite parts of the day and what was on tap for tomorrow. This day didn't stick out from the others at the time, but it was about to change our lives forever.

After everyone had gone to bed and all the lights were killed another storm blew through. We had some bad ones the days before this one, but this one was awful, the winds tore through the city and the lightning almost always struck twice. One time it hits the power tower outside of our house making a deafening sound. I woke up immediately and went out to see what it was. I quickly noticed something wasn't right, there was smoke but it wasn't just from the power pole, it was coming from the house. By the time I got back in my room from inspecting the fire was spreading and I knew we didn't have a lot of time. So I go into my parents room and get them up. I wake up my siblings and we flee the house. Once we were outside we realized that Isaiah wasn't behind us. So my mom runs back inside the house even though we all begged her to stay and let the firefighters get him. But that was her baby, she wasn't going to sit there and let him suffocate. So she goes and helps him find his way through the ruble. He was so small he was able to crawl through the small spaces. She saved his life for sure but my mom wasn't so lucky, she was trapped inside, we never saw her again. Never got to tell her that we love her or that she was the best mom we could have ever asked for. They said her body was so burned that we wouldn't have even recognized her.

So we had to sit there and watch as the house burn to the grounds with my mom inside. Not a single possession made it through, even our neighbors houses were effected by it. But nothing was as effect as our family who lost everything in one night. Our home, our mother or lover, everything was gone. All we had was each other, and that had to be enough. My mom made sure we knew that as long as we had each other then we would never have nothing. That's why it's so hard for me to move away from them. Because I'll never be my mother but I'll always be a daughter or sister. I can't let go of that, even if it's been a year without her.

Once Isaiah and Tatiana was out of school we grab some flowers and head over to the cemetery. We find where my moms ashes were and set the flowers by it. The clouds overhead remind us of what took place a year ago. And I know I'm supposed to be strong, but it hurt so bad. I'm the oldest, I had the most time with her and it still didn't feel like enough. I never thought I would lose her, not so suddenly at least. And I still miss her like crazy, I still want her here with me. But I know nothing changes the fact that she's gone.

After we say a few words we head back to the apartment. I go to my room and sit on my bed trying to cry myself to sleep. I grab a picture I had in a frame of me and my mom on the roof of the house by my bed. I would hide out up there for hours if I was ever sad or mad or just needed to get away. She always knew when I was up there too, she would bring some snacks or a blanket if it was cold. We would lay down and she would show me all the constellations and tell me stories of how they got up there. So a lot of Greek mythology I grew up on. And I cherished those nights on the roof even before she was gone. I always knew they would have a special place in my heart. And now more than ever I am so thankful for the moments I had with her, I'm so lucky to have a mom who didn't let me sit out there by myself all the time. She knew when I needed her and she was always there for me. I wish she still was.

I hear a knock on my door and I take my eyes off the picture I got lost in. I see a somber looking Anthony standing there in the doorway as he gives me a weak smile.

"Hey babe, come on in" I insist as I pat the spot next to me on my bed. He sits down next to me and I rest my head on his shoulder. He takes the picture out of my hand and studied it closely.

"What do you most most about her" he wonders.

"Everything" I insist. "But if I had to choose one thing, it would be her eyes. She always saw the good in the world, no matter how ugly it would be. She always saw the stars no matter how many clouds were in the sky. And she always saw a bright future in me, even when I didn't see it in myself. She always said that I would make her proud one day. I hope I am" I sigh.

"You're doing what she did in the only place in the world that wasn't home where she felt like she could be herself. You're making sure that the family she put so much effort and love into stays together. You're smart and beautiful and talented and any mother in the world would be happy to say you're her daughter, especially your mom" he insists.

"I miss her so much" I sniffle. He wipes the tear away at he buries my face into his chest.

"I know baby. But she's like the stars, even though you can't see her right now you know she's there. And when you do see the stars and when you find the brightest star you'll know it's her" he insists.

"Actually that's Sirius A in the Canis Majoris constellation" I claim and he laughs.

"See, that's your mom in you right there" he teases and I smile.

"Thank you for coming over. I didn't even know you knew what today was" I admit. I sure as hell didn't tell him, I couldn't if I wanted to.

"Your dad reached out to me and said you could use a shoulder to lean on" he claims.

"Well he's not wrong" I admit.

"I wish you would have told me. I would have gone to the graveyard with you" he assures me.

"I know you would have. It's just hard for me to talk about it. I don't want to admit she's really gone" I say softly.

"She can never leave, not as long and you and your family is still around" he says.

"I think you're right about that" I smile.