I Blame Me (Tododeku) [Completed]

3 ~ Not Going Running Anymore?

Todoroki's POV

Midoriya pulled his arm out of my hold and looked down. Though his hair was covering the majority of his face, I could tell that he was upset. It hurt me to see him like this. I felt horrible for not saying anything before.

I only remember now when I started noticing changes in Midoriya. The weather was warming up, becoming summer, and Midoriya was still wearing his long sleeved school uniform. It was when Uraraka had asked if he was hot due to the weather, that I truly knew something was off.

I remember him responding with,  "O-oh, no. I get cold very easily, so I just use the long sleeved tops all year 'round." While rubbing the back of his neck. I didn't think anything of his red face, because, well, he was talking to Uraraka after all. I know I needed to say something, but what? 'It'll get better with time.' No, I hated being told that.

(Flash back. Todoroki is 14 here.)

"Shoto! You could do so much better!" My father, Endeavor, yelled at me with a look of disappointment on his face as he walked out the door, slamming it afterwards. I was doubled over on the floor after puking from over exertion. I laid there for a bit, catching my breath and calming down from the rough training. Tears fell from my eyes, too sore and tired to do much else.

I slowly got up, going to the door of the training room. After double checking that he was gone, I quickly and quietly limped my way up to my room. I got into my bed and curled up in a ball. 'When I was younger, I would have sobbed and cried for my mom, but it's not like that anymore.' I thought , while tears silently fell down the side of my face.

'What would dear old dad do if I was dead? It's not like I'm good enough anyway and I doubt anyone else would care.' I questioned myself before  into my bathroom. It was easy to find a razor, they were just under the sink after all. Without hesitation, I pressed the blade into the soft skin-tissue of my wrist and dragged the razor across the skin, the sting being more soothing than I would've thought.

It hurt, but not as much as my old man's beatings. After about eight on my left, I moved onto my right wrist. The cuts weren't nearly as deep as the ones on my left, probably because it hurt to move my hands. I tired getting at least six good cuts, but only four were anywhere near as deep, so I did many smaller cuts instead. 

Watching the blood drip, feeling the burn, the catch of the blade on the wrist. It was more addictive than I could've imagined; it made me feel better.

(End of Flash back)

It felt as if time had stopped while the greenette took his time looking back up. I could feel my face moving on its own. I feel bad for Midoriya and I wish I knew what to say to help, but I just... don't.

Midoriya's POV

'I regret opening my eyes.' I thought when I saw Todoroki's expression. Pain and what looked like guilt outlined his face. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed and his hands were tightly bundled into fists at his sides.

"Sorry." I mumbled, looking anywhere but Todoroki. I let my smile fall and I could feel his stare on me, sending chills down my spine. I was surprised when I felt a big pair of arms wrap around me. Todoroki didn't respond with words, but instead, wrapped his arms around me.

"You have no reason to be sorry, Midoriya. It's not your fault." Todoroki whispered to me, his voice breaking a bit. It made me so mad that he would say that. He doesn't know any thing about this. I felt the angry tears sting my eyes as I pushed him away.

"You're wrong, Todoroki. It is my fault! I killed my own mother! You haven't the slightest clue about anything! My mother's Dead because of Me! I Have Every Reason To Be Sorry!" I screamed out of anger, looking at Todoroki in the eye. I was angry and screaming was the safer way I seemed to let it out.

Tears were falling once again and my knees felt weak. My head fell once again and I stood there looking at my shaking hands. "You have no clue." I mumbled, remembering the image of my mom with a sword sticking out of her torso, the purse falling from her hand.

"It's my fault. I-If only I had s-stayed and protected h-her, m-maybe she'd still be h-here." I said through my tears, my voice uneven and cracking. I brought my sweater paws up to my face, wiping away the tears from my face, only to have more fall.

My whole body was trembling as I remembered rushing to the ER with my mom. After two hours of sitting in the waiting room with my mom in emergency surgery, I was told that they couldn't save her.

My body's violent shaking was making it hard to stand, and finally, my knees gave out, sending me falling to the ground. Todoroki fell with me, hugging me and rubbing my back. I fought against him, beating his chest with balled up fists. "I don't deserve this! I don't deserve anything! Let me go! Let me die!" Todoroki just continued to hold me close, never letting his grip loosen enough for me to get out of. After resisting for a while longer, I was too drained to scream or fight any more.

I hugged back, gripping onto the back of Todoroki's shirt and started bawling again. "I-I mis-ss her s-so mu-much." I sobbed into his shoulder. I cried and cried, while Todoroki started whispering sweet nothings into my ear, holding me in a warm embrace and gently rocking side to side.

After calming down quite a bit more, I was now completely slumped on Todoroki, tears still sliding down my checks, sniffling every once in a while. I was warm and felt safe with him. I didn't want to move or talk or even think. I just wanted to stay in his lap for a bit longer. I wanted to stay in his comfortable, warm embrace for just a little while longer.

Unfortunately, everything nice has to come to an end sooner or later, and for me, it was the former. Todoroki had moved his hands to my shoulders, forcing me to sit up. He looked at me, a small, sad, smile on his face while he gently wiped off some of the tears on my face. "Don't pity me, Todoroki." I snapped, looking to my right, upset and angry.

"I'm not pitying you, I'm showing sympathy with you." Todoroki said, pulling my chin back and up, so that we were looking at each other, eye to eye. "Yeah, sure, okay." I said sarcastically, standing up from his lap, wiping my eyes with my sweater paws again.

"Hey." Todoroki pouted slightly, standing up and walking towards me. "'Hey' what?" I responded, using the same tone he did, still a bit upset with him. "I'm serious. Believe it or not, but I went something similar to this. Here look, proof." Todoroki said, as he showed me his arm. There were at least twenty little, almost invisible, white scars. None fresh enough to be within the last six months.

"I would've never guessed you used to cut." I mumbled, still looking at the amount of scares he had. 'Wait, that's just one arm!' I thought, looking to his other arm. I grabbed it gently and stared for a bit.

"Why did you do it?" I asked, not really thinking before I spoke. When he didn't respond, I mentally face palmed. "Never mind, you don't have to answer that, but we're not going running any more, are we?" I asked, looking at my clock, seeing it was already almost 5:50.

1361 words