I Blame Me (Tododeku) [Completed]

60 ~ The Bad Plan

Midoriya's POV

I woke up and couldn't move at all. I could feel the panic coursing throughout my entire body but couldn't even move my fingers. The utter terror I felt prevented me from doing the thing I wanted to do most, scream. I couldn't move and I was too scared to even make a peep. I felt as if there were eyes on me and it sent a chill through my veins. I tried to remember what my dream was, but every time I did, I got glimpses of things I'm not completely sure I wanted to remember.

'Pathetic, defenseless, Izuku. So scared of your own mind's creation that you can't move. What would Todoroki say? What would All Might say? You don't deserve to be a hero. You don't deserve to be alive at all. A murderer like you becoming a hero? Ha, yeah right.'

'You're quirkless, kid.' The doctor's voice sounded in my ears.

'You can never be enough. Todoroki will leave you. You're not worth anything to him. He doesn't want you. Aizawa and Mic will eventually get tired of you and throw you out. They'll see how much of a mess and burden you are and discard you like the trash you are. All Might would want you to give One for All up to someone more deserving. They'll hate you. Everyone will learn to hate your monsterish self. You'll be known as a hero drop out. A loser. A weakling. You'll be all alone.'

I shuddered at my own thoughts, finding some movement in my fingers, toes, and tongue.

'I won't curse someone as broken as you onto anyone. Death is the only thing that'll end this. Just do it.'

'Wimp.' 'Murderer.' 'Monster.' 'Unneeded.' 'Stupid.' 'Weak.' 'Fake hero.' 'Coward.' 'Disgusting.' 'Annoying.' 'Worthless.' 'Fat.' 'Broken.' 'Trash.' 'Useless.' 'Unwanted.' 'Plain.' 'Lazy.' 'Liar.'

'Disappointment.'

I was finally able to move as my thoughts finished toying with my mind. I didn't shoot up like I had wanted to when I first woke up. I sluggishly sat up, feeling like a very heavy weight was put on my chest. I couldn't find the will to fight what my mind had thrown at me. 'It was all true anyway. I am genuinely a horrible person. No one actually wants me, I'm just another pity case. An unnecessary bag of luggage.' I let my mind wander, no longer caring for much. I felt empty but too full all at the same time. I felt miserable all around. This feeling was all too familiar. I always get this way before I do something I regret.

'You can't regret it if nothing comes afterwards.'

I sighed, rolling off my bed, not even trying to catch myself as I landing on my back. The cold floor against my back made me shiver enough to make me get up. I grabbed my phone, not bothering with unplugging it first. I was surprised when the time ended up being 6:57 a.m. 'I slept for quite a long time.' I thought, almost feeling proud of myself before my head interrupted with insults. I shrugged it off, not feeling like dealing with it this soon after waking up. I stretched, standing on my toes and pulling my arms into the air, flexing my back that was now feeling the results of landing on it. I threw my dirty clothes into the growing pile on my floor. I strolled my way to my dresser, putting on a clean pair of boxers and looking for something semi-nice. I hadn't quite picked what I was going to wear when I heard Kacchan's notification sound go off. I grabbed my phone, reading the message.

'Hey nerd. We still going to Auntie's grave or what?'

I went to type yes when a horrible idea ran through my head.

'No. I was being reckless again last night and now I have no choice but to bring Todoroki along. Sorry. I did mean to tell you earlier.'

I sent the text after making sure everything was spelt right. I felt a small giddiness build up as a plan came and settled easily. I smiled at the phone before quickly going back to my dresser and closet, pulling out my red turtleneck and grabbing a pair of ripped black jeans, putting them on and skipping out of my room (up above). A light from the downstairs caught my attention and I ran down, completely stepping over a few of the stairs.