I Blame Me (Tododeku) [Completed]

71 ~ Panic Attack

Midoriya's POV

Chaos is the only word that could describe what was happening. People were running around and screaming. Numerous buildings were on fire, one starting to collapse. I turned around and everything, but my mom, turned black. Inko Midoriya, my mother, was sitting on her knees with a sword sticking out from her torso, hands covered in her own blood. The villain standing behind her smiling evilly, started laughing and then disappeared himself. She looked at me, her purse fell, the sound almost deafening.

I knew where this was going. "No! Don't! Go away! This isn't real! It isn't real!" I screamed as I curled into a ball, my hands covering my ears. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hide. Everything suddenly stopped. I looked up, curious at the sudden quiet. I was standing atop the bridge. I watched as Todoroki rushed forward, reaching out to me as I fell into the roaring water below me. I wanted to scream at the unfortunately familiar burn in my lungs. Flashes of white water turn into flashes of doctors and the muffled beeping of machines. Bursts of hot pain were sent through my chest as the light above me was practically blinding.

It stopped once again, shifting to something new, something I'm not sure I remember. "What do you mean he might not make it?" Was that Mic? "His fever his high and he lost a lot of blood. He inhaled quite the amount of water as well. We are doing everything we can but he's going to have to be very strong to make it through this."

It went black for a moment before changing again. I looked around, finding myself standing in a thin layer of water, everything else being pitch black.

'Murderer.'

'Monster.'

'Blood Thirsty.'

My class mates. They know.

'You can't become a hero.' All Might. No. We just fixed things.

'I don't love you anymore. You're too much for me." Todoroki?

'Don't Touch Me You FILTH.'

'I hate you.'

Todoroki's laughing face smiled at me as I broke down. 'Leave me alone.'

I cried, hearing the one person that I care for most, say he doesn't want me. I guess I have too much baggage. He's right. I'm disgusting. He doesn't actually love me. He just pities me. Doesn't want to be blamed when I off myself. Wants to be able to say he did his best to help me. My chest felt tight and I couldn't breathe.

I shot up, gasping for air. I grabbed at the cloth covering my chest as I tried to breathe. My eyes looked around, hoping to find something to help, only to find my vision blurred and my mind disoriented. I clawed at my chest, feeling constricted and claustrophobic as the collar came close to my neck. I pulled off my shirt, struggling a bit before kicking off my covers and rolling off of what I assumed to be a bed. I tried to get as much air in a possible as I curled my knees under me, the pain in my chest reminding me off my dream. "No." I gasps out, air not reaching my lungs as my breathing sped up. Small flash back of my attempt filled my mind. "NO!" I screamed, coughing afterward. My vision closed in on the wood flooring below me. Tears wetting the floor below me.

My chest felt as though it was getting tighter and my lungs like they were collapsing in on themselves. My head was still foggy as I tried to calm down, only ending up in making it worse. I felt something warm on my bare back, causing me to flinch and scramble away. I smacked into my desk, curling up in a ball. "NO! NO! NO!" I ended coughing again as I gripped my hair and my mother's ring. I gulped as I still tried to breathe. Todoroki's words echoed in my ears. "NNOO!! LEAVE ME ALO-" I was interrupted by a coughing fit. My chest and lungs hurt so bad. I could feel myself shaking and trembling as I coughed. I fell to my side, getting back into my curled up position with my knees under me.

Everything felt so overwhelming; far too much like the river water. My gut wrenched as I was coughing. I lurched forward, puking up anything on my stomach. I cried as my lungs and throat burned, my chest still being too tight to breathe correctly. I saw my mom's impaled body and I threw up again. I felt cold tears fall down my face as I held onto my mother's ring like it was the only thing keeping me grounded.

《 ♤ 》

I hacked up whatever was left in my stomach, acids and all, by the time I had calmed down even a little. Breathing still hurt and I was sobbing, but my vision had cleared and I was no longer having flashbacks of my nightmare. My top half felt like ice and my feet and shins were asleep, but I didn't want to move. The room was too bright and I was too tired to move. My lungs were sore and my eyes on fire. My mouth tasted horrible and the smell was even worse. I rolled over onto my back, careful of the puke. I threw my arms over my eyes as I tried to steady my breathing some more. "Izuku?"

It came a bit muffled and I couldn't tell who it was, but I heard it. I cleared my throat as much as possible before replying. "Yeah?" Even I was terrified at how broken I sounded so I could only imagine how the person trying to talk to me heard. "There you are. Can I touch you?" I still couldn't tell who it was, but my hearing was clearing up. I keep my arms over my eyes  as I shook me head 'no'.  "Alright. That's okay. Can you tell me how you're feeling?" I felt tears prick at my eyes as I swallowed. "Everything hurts and I just want a hug." I spoke, breaking down into tears again. I moved my arms so that the palms of my hands were pressed into my eyes.

I felt fingers starting to card through my hair as I cried. "I-I want-t Kacchan." I mumbled, my voice cracking and breaking as I spoke. "I can make that happen, love. Just a moment." I heard some shuffling before a door opening. "KATSUKI!! GET YOUR ASS UP HERE!!" I heard a woman's shout. I lifted my palm off my eyes and raised my head off the ground, seeing the back of... Aunt Mitsuki? "SHUT IT, HAG. I'M COMING!" Definitely Kacchan. "Auntie?" I questioned, the room still being to bright for my tired eyes. "Yes?" Mitsuki turned back around to face me. I laid my head back down, taking a deep breath. "Just checking." I spoke, before a familiar voice broke in. "What do you want, ya old hag?" Kacchan asked, a smack following. "Don't call me that ya Brat! And I don't want anything from you, but he does." Auntie Mitsuki said before it went kind of quiet. "Right." I heard Kacchan finally reply.

I heard him walk in and then crouch down beside me. "Hey, bud. What's going on?" Kacchan asked. I felt tears come to my eyes again. I didn't reply, but instead rolled to my side and searched for his hand with my own. I wrinkled my eyebrows and closed my eyes tight as I tried not to cry again. I held onto Kacchan's warm hand as I curled up around it. I heard him sigh before he moved positions. "A'ight. Com'ere."

I curled and moved until I was laying in his lap, my head stuffed into his side and my arms wrapped around his waist. Once we were both comfortable, Kacchan started rubbing my back with his hands, letting off small explosions. The explosions were warm and felt nice against my cold, bare back. I felt myself relaxing as Kacchan silently worked on my back and shoulders, letting me cuddle him. "Feels nice." I mumbled, closing my eyes. "Good. You tired?" Kacchan asked, stopping his quirk so we could talk properly. "Mm-mhm." I hummed, nodding slightly. "Then sleep, ya dunce." Kacchan scolded with care. I feverishly shook my head no, not liking that idea at all. I heard Kacchan sigh heavily. "Nightmare?" Is all he asked. I nodded slightly. "Where and when?" I asked, knowing he knew what I was asking. "We are currently in your teal fucking room at Aizawa's and it's 3 in the morning. I was called by the Half n' Half Bastard about two hours ago when he didn't know what to do about your panic attack." Kacchan replied, making my eyes open wide, feeling guilty as all hell.

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