The Boys: Book of Imagines

Harry| Cocaine, Power of Desire

It gets to you, you know. It's a feeling you sometimes can't get rid of it. The worst part is that it's caused by other people. They start it and you just continue. It messes with your head. Even in moments when you wish you didn't think about it, you do. Why do others do this? Why do they even start it? Why is it even a thing? Lives would be so much better without it. But, there's the others who put it on you. They cause this feeling inside you that you sometimes can't shake. Especially when your older brother is like mine. Prim and proper. Everyone loves him. He has the desirable looks while I sit on the sidelines picking up girls who only want him. His fame is also something they pine after. You hear them shouting his name and it makes you feel beat down. Well, depending on what brother you're talking about. If it's Sam, then no. He has Elysia. If it's Paddy, Paddy doesn't really give a shit

Then there's me. Everyone asks when I'm getting a girl. But what if I don't actually want girls? What if I do but want more? What if I want men too? I don't actually know what I want. I know that I just want to be loved the way my brothers are loved. To be accepted and treated equally. At this point, the pain of unacceptance is unbearable. I choose a different way to ease it. I know a guy who hooks me up every time. What he gives me creates a feeling like no other. It produces a distinct feeling. The feeling of desire. Then that feeling of desire becomes power. Only for that feeling of power to consume you. You can't shake it anymore. It makes you go mad and you become a totally different person. Almost as if the real you isn't you anymore. It's almost suicide. You feel like you're being laughed at while bats fly around your head. The fluttering noise gets louder and louder and louder and louder......... and then its stops. But it's not over.

There's another noise. One that's more haunting. One that you wish would go away when you covered your ears. But no. This one sticks. Sometimes it feels like hours on end of the same continues noise but it's only 30 seconds. Sometimes the noise that happens you go along with it. But this is only when you feel good about it. You start to smile. Wider, wider, wider. Then your mouth opens. Your eyes are bloodshot at this point and you don't know what you're doing. You feel like you're on a cloud. That wonderful feeling that you've been looking for your whole life. It's magical. Beautiful. No more anxiety. No more depression. Pure comfortable. No one to judge you and call you the ugly twin. No one telling your brothers that they're more desirable and you're just a wingman. I get this butterfly feeling in my stomach. My smile grows until it can't go any further. What's so funny? I have no idea. Ha... ha... HA... HA... HA! Then it's over................

I hope you enjoyed this extremely short part. I wrote this two years ago and revamped it to make it a story about Harry. It was actually a psychology class assignment where we were assigned a specific drug. I was given Cocaine and the affects it has on your mind. The original title was Joker = Cocaine. The point was to show the on this specific drug, your brain can sometimes process things as if you're the Joker. It unlocks a secret madness. It's short story but impactful. I hoped this little description helped you understand.