Yowzah Oneshot Collection (1)

27(G)3

a heartbeat at my feet
areyoumarriedriver
Chapter 3
Chapter Text
“That’s it; they’re getting their own room. In a separate dimension, and don’t tell me that’s not possible River.”

“Sweetie, they’re just animals. You need to relax and-”

“Relax?!” The Doctor whirled toward her, looking remarkably livid and a bit frightening – or she imagined he would look that way if he didn’t just so happen to be completely stark naked. He flung an arm toward the bed, where Dog and Kitty lay curled around each other.  “Every single time River! Every single time we – well, you know – just when everything is getting to the very very nice place, all of a sudden there they are. If it’s not Dog trying to worm his way in on the action – well I mean I can hardly blame him for it – the action does happen to be very action-y and rather lovely,” he pauses, waving a hand in her general direction, which happened to be sitting on the settee, also naked. And extremely frustrated. “If it’s not him, it’s Kitty. It’s creepy – why does she have to stare?”

“Sweetie,” River started and the Doctor reached a hand up as if to adjust the bowtie that wasn’t even around his neck. On the bed Kitty was licking Dog’s face enthusiastically while Dog basked in the affection.

“I feel very judged. And possibly found wanting – it does not do the best things to my – well, you know what I’m saying. Locked doors don’t work, why must our pets be so damn clever?”

“Three days ago you were showing both of them off to everyone within the vicinity and telling the Emperor of Xanvia that Kitty was the one to disable the time bomb at the core of their planet. I’ll have you know that fifty centuries from now, they worship cats to the point that they splice their DNA in an attempt to become more feline, Doctor.” She sighed, crossing her arms and glaring at her husband who paused, mid-pacing and grinned.

“Really?”

“It’s not a good thing, Doctor,” River huffed. “My point is that you can’t want them to be clever when it suits you and unintelligent when it doesn’t. Can’t you just have a talk with them?”

“You don’t even believe me when I say I can talk to them River. Seriously? You want me to have a sit down and explain about what? Personal time?” He stared at River incredulously and she raised her brows in response.

“Oh, well then, if you’re admitting you don’t actually speak animal, I can come up with another solution,” she began with a smug grin and he pointed at her, glaring.

“I do speak animal. Well dog and cat at the very least, never tried it out on other animals. Oh maybe we should! I bet giraffes would have a rather lot of interesting views to share-”

“No, we are not going to go talk to giraffes. You’ll end up finding some poor abandoned baby giraffe, take it on board, slap a fez on it and I won’t be able to tell which is which,” she huffed and he glared at her indignantly.

“Between me and a giraffe? Really, River that is a bit much,” he moved over to the door, yanking a tweed robe off the hook and pulling it on while she frowned. “What?”

“You need to get dressed for this? I was enjoying the view, sweetie,” she purred and he put his hands on his hips, gaping at her.

“Well I can’t talk to them about this naked, River.”

“Why ever not?”

“Well because – because this is a serious discussion and – and – she judges me, River. That cat is far too much like you for my liking,” he huffed as he crossed the room to the settee.

“Oh sweetie, trust me, I’m never judging you. Well,” she amended and he crouched by the settee and laughed.

“Ha! See? Doppelgangers. But with fur. And don’t think I don’t realize you two are constantly in cahoots – Kitty found my best bowler hat the other day and-”