Yowzah Oneshot Collection (1)

76(G)

Once upon a time – no, wait. This isn’t a fairytale.

But you have heard this story before, once or twice or a few thousand times over. Everybody has, at some point. Greek mythology is rampant, if dizzying at times. She would tell you that it’s changed so much over the ages to accommodate the evolution of culture, in which mythology, both overtly and in its unspoken assumptions, is an index of these changes. He would tell you it’s all rubbish gossip. They both have a habit of thinking they’re right, but see, it really doesn’t matter either way because whatever you’ve heard about them? About the Greek Gods? Forget it entirely. It’s all more wrong than right.

For instance, he is called Hermes, the God of travel, messengers, trade, thievery, cunning wiles, language, writing, diplomacy, and animal husbandry. (Erm, that last one really isn’t what it sounds like. Really.) She is Athena, the virgin Goddess of wisdom, handicrafts, defense, and strategic warfare. (“Virgin?” he would repeat on occasion, ribbing her. “Really, dear? I didn’t think I was doing things that badly.” To which, she would always reply, “Oh, sweetie, trust me, you weren’t.”) Their history is one of legend, but legend has it so very, very wrong.

For instance, there is barely any mention in mythology of Hermes and Athena meeting at all.

~~~~

Depending on how you look at it, they weren't precisely meant to get along.

He was always so busy traveling, never stopping at one place for too long. His mission in life was to help weary travelers on their journeys – though, admittedly, he didn't often do it as safely as he should have, having instead a rather unfortunate but deeply fascinating habit of getting sidetracked. He invented fire, was known across the lands as a deified trickster, and was generally depicted as either a handsome, athletic youth, or an older bearded man – and the latter façade wasn’t as popular with the ladies.

She was always too busy fighting, though she never preferred it if there was an alternative route, hence the “wisdom” part of her title. Still, she managed to get into quite a few skirmishes over the years; the Trojan War was a particularly stressful period for her. But she did manage to help along quite a few strapping young heroes along the way - Odysseus, Jason, and, oh – Hercules, he was a hoot at parties. She had her plate full with governing her duties with the full attention it deserved, so all consuming that she often joked it was like being in prison sometimes.

Also, they were both technically the children of Zeus – but honestly, who wasn’t?

They didn’t have a thing in common.

But don’t you know? The greatest love stories are always about opposites attracting.

~~~~

Their initial meeting went something like this: “That’s completely impossible!”

“Ah, no, you see?” he said. “It’s not. It’s almost completely impossible. Almost is not the same thing as entirely. One spark is all we need.”

“One spark? One spark of what, exactly?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t stopped talking yet. But I assure you that there is a way to—”

“Just stand back and let me do it. We can figure this out better if we—”

“I’ve got it entirely in hand, thank you. Invented fire, didn’t you hear?”

“That’s fantastic, sweetie," her voice dripped sarcasm. "Really, very impressive. And if we were facing cavemen right now, I’d be thrilled – but those legions of angry Titans out there will rip us apart if we don’t get that weapon working right this instant.”