Yowzah Oneshot Collection (1)

66(M)

“Asteraceae, gorgeous planet with sunrises so romantic I’ll marry you all over again – again again again, you said,” she sniped as they entered the TARDIS slower than usual. “It will be the best anniversary ever River – five moons, each a different colour – the night sky is like a kaleidoscope, you said.”

“In my defense, it was very romantic up until the point when the yarrows attacked us. Forget one minor detail about a planet’s flora and fauna and you never hear the end of it,” he grumbled back at her, attempting to point at her but his hand was far too weighed down.

“The fact that the most copious pant on the planet also happens to be feed on passing humanoids hardly classifies as a minor detail, sweetie, honestly,” she glared at him, attempting to hold on to her anger, but she could barely see him through the various yarrow leaves clinging to his... everything and she finally sighed, before dissolving into laughter. “I really hate you.”

“No you don’t – and stop laughing River – you look just as bad!” He was giggling now too though and she rolled her eyes as she moved over to him, slowly, weighed down with leaves herself. The yarrows leaves were long, and quite feathered, but each leaf had several tiny teeth along the edges, causing the leaves to cling and gather on everything. Which of course, was how they attacked – wrapping vines of leaves around their victims, and constricting them until they asphyxiated. Normally they caught animals, and would leave the carcasses to decompose into the soil around their roots, but the Doctor had barely managed to sonic the root system of this particular yarrow before they’d had to trudge through the woods slowly, weighed down in leaves, but unwilling to risk stopping lest another yarrow sense their movements and attack.

She plucked leaves from her hands and arms, freeing them up before she began doing the same to him. “It was romantic up until the strangling,” she admitted as she removed leaf after leaf, discarding them in a pile by the TARDIS doors. He chuckled, raising his brows underneath a fringe full of greenery.

“You don’t normally complain about a little strangling, dear,” he teased, his own now free hands pulling leaves from her shoulders.

“That’s different, honey, and you know it,” she grinned and bit her lip. “Well it’s an anniversary I’m unlikely to forget at any rate, Doctor.” He pouted, pausing in his collection of leaves.

“We’re not supposed to nearly die on our anniversaries, River!” She laughed out loud at his petulant tone.

“Oh bless, you’re quite early on, aren’t you then?” she teased and he met her gaze in shock, a grin stealing across his face.

“Two centuries in and I’m still early on?” He doesn’t sound put out by the thought at all, rather he sounded thrilled and she grinned back at him, winking.

“Yup,” she popped the ‘p’ and he giggled breathlessly.

“Have I told you yet tonight that I adore you?” he questioned, plucking leaves from her hair, sticking his tongue out and biting it in concentration.

“Perhaps once or twice, but I’ve no objection to hearing it again, sweetie.” She was discarding the leaves from his dress jacket into one rapidly growing pile on the floor, and he was tossing the ones pulled from her behind him. “I suppose this could be considered just a very long strip tease,” she laughed and he grinned, pausing in his plucking to lean forward and kiss her. She opened her mouth under his, ignoring the itch of the leaves still attached to her, and how the foliage still in his hair tickled at her face. His tongue wrapped around hers and she moaned, pressing against him, leaves crunching between them.

“I think you’re trying to cheat, Mrs. Doctor,” he grumbled breathlessly as he pulled back and she gasped.

“I most certainly am not, Mr. Song – I wasn’t even aware we were competing!” She mocked him gently and he puffed out his chest, waving a hand at his far larger pile of leaves.