Yowzah Oneshot Collection (1)

164(G)

       The heartache and a thousand
                    natural shocks

                 CrimsonRiver808

The TARDIS hums quietly in the background, almost as if she knows something’s wrong. Which, River suspects, she probably does. River sighs and walks solemnly around the console; flicking switches and pulling leavers as she keeps her head down.

She tries her best to ignore the increasing pang and the ache in her chest, as she bites back the tears that threaten her. She has to be strong - for his sake, if not her own.

Never let him see the damage.

She glances up from the console and over to him; quickly and cautiously.

He looks so dejected it nearly breaks her hearts.

He’s sitting on the steps with his hands folded in his lap and a stern but distant expression on his face, as he gazes at the glass floor without blinking. The tears swilling in his eyes sparkle under the TARDIS lights, and she knows she has to tread carefully, because he’s hurt, and he’s angry, and most importantly – he’s dangerous.

A part of her wants to go to him and pull her into his arms; rock with him and console him until at least some of the hurt that she knows all too well, is gone – to look after him and be a good girl for once, just like her mother asked.

The other part of her is simply lost and so numb; wanting nothing more than to go to bed alone, close her eyes and let the tears burn as they cascade down her cheeks. She wants to curl into a ball and never have to talk about the events of this day, and just enjoy the freedom of not having to be brave, just for once.

But she can’t.

Not now, anyway.

Her husband needs her, and she will not leave him alone, no matter how much it hurts her.

She doesn’t want him to catch her looking, so instead, she silently scolds herself and goes back to fiddling with the scanner. 

The unusual silence between them unnerves her – without their natural banter and shameless flirting, the atmosphere is unsettling – but right now, it’s the least of her worries.

As she taps away at part of a keyboard on the console, the Doctor stirs and looks up at her slowly, and River nearly jumps in surprise when he finally breaks the uncomfortable silence as he utters her name firmly. 

“River...”

She tries her best not to let him see how she winces when he finally acknowledges her, and she sees just how dark and full of pain and sorrow his eyes really are. Though, something must give her away, because he pauses and his gaze softens ever so slightly before he continues.

“They were your parents,” She fiddles with the scanner again and ignores him, “Sorry. I didn’t even think.”

“It doesn’t matter.” She retorts sharply, hoping he hadn’t noticed how her voice wavered.

“Of course it matters.”

River shakes her head and goes back to the controls in front of her as a distraction, but the Doctor doesn’t give up, as he hauls himself to his feet and advances slowly. She tries to edge away; busying herself with piloting the TARDIS, despite the fact she’s already flying herself.

The Doctor stands close to her and silently lays his hand over one of hers that’s resting on one of the leavers, to still her carefully. She sighs, closing her eyes and feeling defeated, as he takes both her hands in his and turns her round to face him.