Yowzah Oneshot Collection (1)

84(G)

It had all been going along swimmingly, stopping the murderous computer from breaching their stronghold as they corralled the scientists together. River had just finished destroying the androids the AI had sent after them and sealed the door with his screwdriver when he turned to the scientists and introduced himself. “Hello, everyone. I’m the Doctor.”

And then he kept going.

“And this is my girlfriend River Song.”

He regretted saying the word almost immediately. He didn’t know where it had come from. While the scientists didn’t seem fazed at all, he could already feel River’s eyes boring a hole—no, a crater into the back of his head. He hemmed and hawed for nearly a minute before one of the scientists raised her hand and asked a question, driving him back to something he could actually deal with.

“Yes! Doctor…?”

“Winston,” she said. “Do you mind my asking who sent you all?”

“Yes,” the Doctor said at once. “Listen, Dr. Winston, all of you—we’re here to help. Help you shut down the AI, get you all out, and then maybe take you out for fish and chips, how does that sound? Ah, thank you, uh, River, yes,” he said awkwardly as she held out his screwdriver. He took it from her delicately and nearly dropped it as he tried to stick it back in his jacket.

She was still giving him that Look. Oh, lord, what had he done? Where had that word come from? Girlfriend? River? He supposed it was technically true. They did the sorts of… things that girlfriends and boyfriends did (oh lord, no wonder she’s angry, that sounds ridiculous). But when you got right down to it, the words “girlfriend” and “River Song” did not belong in the same sentence. They didn’t even belong in the same galaxy. Which of course begged the question of why he’d said it in the first place.

“I’m afraid the lock on the door’s not going to hold for long,” she said tersely, loosening the holster on her blaster. “I sealed it, but she’s already working through it.”

“Did you deadlock it?” he asked. “And she?”

“Yes, I did.” Her voice was hard, and he almost wanted to run away from her gaze. He was fairly certain lesser beings would be ashes on the floor by now. “And it sounds like a woman, Doctor, it’s better than saying ‘it’ all the time.”

“She has a name, you know,” one of the scientists said, indignant.

“I’m sure she does,” the Doctor replied quickly, not even bothering to ask for the fellow’s name. “But the last thing we need right now is to get emotionally attached. How much of the facility does she control?” he continued, whipping out the screwdriver again and rushing over to one of the room’s computers. A quick flick of the screwdriver was enough to give him full access to the facility’s systems, but the scientists behind him were being oddly silent. He glanced over his shoulder. “We don’t exactly have a lot of time here,” he said, straightening up. “How much of the facility does she control?”

“Nearly eighty-five percent,” one of the scientists said, stepping in front of the indignant, attached fellow. He was a gangly fellow with a mop of dark hair and an unshaven beard. “Dr. Reitman, sir. The ultimate goal was to have her regulate the whole facility, but the rollout was slowed down when she began to display violent tendencies during product testing.”

The Doctor winced. Eighty-five percent was a problem. “So what parts of the facility are safe?”

“Just manufacturing and weapons testing,” Reitman replied. “But she’s gotten clever enough that she could give herself access within… oh, two or three hours?”

“Well, nothing like a time limit! River, how does the door look?”

“Halfway unlocked,” she replied, only briefly glancing back at it. “Maybe more. We should get out of here soon, if there’s somewhere safe up ahead.”