Yowzah Oneshot Collection (1)

171(G) spacewives

                  Kiss ‘til you faint

                   TheLazyTeaLover

“Professor? Are you there?” Cried a shrill voice from outside River’s office.
“No! I’ve been gone for quite a while. Come back later- or better... don’t come back at all!” River could hear the dean curse under his breath.
“Very funny Professor, let me in!” She rolled her eyes. “What is it?” She groaned, opening the door.

“Why did you lie on your personal forms?”
River blinked. “I- what?”
“You said you were married!”
“I am!”
“You claim to be married to The Doctor.”
“Again, I am!”
The dean cleared his throat.
“River, I hav-“
“It’s Professor.” She interrupted cooly.
“Professor, I have searched several databases! There is no Doctor to be found! Unless you prove your spouse to be an actual person...”
He was interrupted again by a knock on the doorframe.
River turned to the intruder.
“Hello, Can I help you?”
A short, blonde woman gazed up at her. “River!”
“Who are you?”
Sadness flashed across the woman’s features. “Um... Joan...uh...Smith.”
River leaned close to the woman and said, “Actually Joan, I need a favor. Can you pretend to be my wife?”
The woman’s eyes nearly popped out of her head.

“Sure?” She answered like a question.
River smiled warmly.
“Thanks, dear.”

River introduced “Joan” as her wife, and the Dean decided to take the blonde into the hallway for DNA testing to match “The Doctor.” River panicked. Clearly, personal forms were no joke. She knew the dean would catch her in her lie in a few moments.

Instead, the two re-emerged and Joan was smiling. The dean looked a bit embarrassed. “I do apologize, Professor. I’ll leave you and your wife be.”

He scurried down the hall.
“Thanks, Joan. You really saved me. How’d you fake having Timelord DNA?
“I didn’t.”
River was very confused. “What do you mean?”
“Give me your hand.”
“What?”
“Mel- River, just give me your hand!”
She did, and the blonde placed River’s fingers to her wrist.
There were two pulses.
River gasped.
“Doctor?”
“Hello, Dear.”
“I hate you!”
“Oh yeah?”
The Doctor wrapped her arms around her wife and kissed her.
“Excited are we, love?” River joked.
The Doctor laughed, pressing against her.

River looked dazed. “It’s been far too long.” Her breathing became shallow.

Out of nowhere, River collapsed.

She woke up in the med bay. “What- who..?”
“Shhhh...” The Doctor whispered, “You’re okay.” She stroked her curls. “You passed out because of the sudden rush of.. ehem... excitement, and you haven’t eaten yet today.”
River rolled her eyes. “Eating is for wimps.” She joked. The Doctor looked at her lovingly.
“I’ll need to give you a small injection to the side, I got it from Alpha Centauri's best hospital. It basically gives you a full day’s nutrients without having to eat.”
“Thanks, sweetie.”
She sat up and The Doctor pulled up River’s shirt.
“Usually, most people would take me for dinner first.”
“We’re married!”

When River was feeling better, the two spent lots of time in River’s office “studying.” Let it also be known the dean never bothered River about being unmarried again.