Yowzah Oneshot Collection (1)

73(G)

strange how this journey’s hurting

When he turns around after shutting the door, Rory is standing there, waiting. In a way – the Doctor is happy that it is him. Amy would do something about the noticeable tears on his cheek. Tease him or hug him or try to make him feel better, when he didn’t need anything of the sort.

Rory acts as though nothing has happened at all. He steps in closer, pulling his cardigan closer to his body as he stares at the Doctor. “There’s something you should know.” Rory’s voice is low, and the Doctor frowns in confusion.

“There is?”

“Two years Doctor. It’s been two years since River told us the truth. This is our third Christmas.” The Doctor frowns and nods with a shrug.

“I’m sorry but you know me I’m always-”

“River’s been here. Each year, for Christmas with us. Post-Byzantium River, Doctor. And she’s – she’s told me all about that. The bits Amy couldn’t, or wouldn’t fill in.” Rory’s gaze is solemn and he stares at the Doctor. “You told Amy to stop waiting. But she hasn’t you know. She has – I mean, she understands that it’s different now, but she sets a place for you. Every year. Which means that the last two Christmases – they both waited.”

“And I didn’t come.” The Doctor finishes for him and Rory nods sadly.  “Amy was sad, but okay. River – I think she was convinced you’d just never come. She’s so late in her timeline, you see.”

“Is she – is she here?” The Doctor asks, one heart hopeful and one heart fearful and he’s not sure which heart he wants to follow. It doesn’t seem to matter much because both are barrelling on with or without him.

“She just went out to the back garden right before you knocked. She wanted to see the snow – all she gets at Stormcage is thunder and lightning and nothing else you know. Can’t even see the stars at night through the atmosphere.” Rory’s voice is soft and the Doctor is struck by how much older he seems. Feels. How much better he seems to know River, and he finds himself oddly jealous about it. Surely Rory and Amy can’t know her better than he does. It’s a ridiculous thought, and he recognises that even as he’s thinking it. But the concept of sharing her never occurred to him along the way. Forever, since the very moment he met her and she called him her Doctor – he’d known. He hadn’t wanted to know – but he had all the same. He was hers. And she was his.

“Alright – I’m just going to go – and go – and...”

“Yeah, you might want to do that.” Rory nods in agreement, hands sliding into his cardigan pockets, rocking back on his heels as he nods. “Amy will understand. Go on.” He jerks his head over his shoulder and the Doctor sidles past him uneasily, his fear and hope all tangling up in his chest, each heart tripping over the other as he walks toward the garden.

When Madge had asked him earlier – if he’d had family, his no had been almost automatic. His friends all thought he was dead. But his hearts had whispered, River knew.  Even as he’d protested that it was complicated, his hearts had pointed out that he’d married her. Didn’t that make this one woman – this one woman in the whole entire universe – his family? And it wasn’t that he hadn’t been married before. For larks and because sometimes he was utterly ridiculous, but none of those mattered. None of those were real. And maybe this marriage wasn’t either, but it felt more real. He knew River. She knew him. He didn’t-

“You know I can practically hear you thinking from over here.” River sighs, her face still turned toward the night sky and he jumps in surprise, before smiling softly. Of course she knows he’s there. She always does. She is dressed warmly, in boots, leggings and a long red jumper that nearly reaches her knees.  She has no coat on, and he walks up behind her silently. “Hello, sweetie.” She turns to him them, but her smile is sad and he feels like that fearful heart is about to beat the life out of the hopeful heart next to it.