Yowzah Oneshot Collection (1)

37(G)5

CHAPTER - 5

what sort of a time do you call this

He's not sure how she does it, really. One minute he's shouting at Nardole across the console about how he's met some pudding-brains but he really takes the pudding cake - and the next he is on his arse on the floor, his ear ringing and his cheek feeling like it's been lit on fire. His wife is standing over him, absolute fire in her eyes as she glares at him.

"How could you not tell me, you idiot?" Ah. She knows then - finally figured it out.

"Took you bloody long enough to figure it out. And how could I not tell you? How could you not know?" He's quick to scramble to his feet - when fighting with his wife, it's best to not give an inch. She'll take a fucking parsec, honestly.

"You weren't meant to have any other faces. How could I have known?" Oh she's absolutely livid, cheeks flushed and her eyes hissing and sparking at him and he grins in response. He always has loved her riled up. Just as he's ready to poke back at her, give her a taste of the verbal wit he's excelled at this go round - show off really; her whole expression changes. The anger falls away to be replaced by tremulous hope, the likes of which he's never seen on her face before. She reaches up with a shaking hand, her palm which so recently abused him now cradling his face delicately as she stares at him with a smile that trembles. "A new face..."

"A whole set," he finds himself confessing and she breaths in sharply, her eyes looking up at him brightly.

"Oh, sweetie," she breathes the word out and it fills him up - he hadn't known how much he missed it until he hears it again.

"River," he growls her name, reaching for her just as the ship lurches, sending them off balance. They both ignore everything - especially Nardole, haplessly trying to fix the flight pattern of the ship. She is staring at him in awe, and he's staring right back at her the same damn way. After a moment he smiles at her slightly, spreading his arms out a bit. "So what do you think?"

"About what?" She smiles brightly and continues to look at him like absolutely nothing else is going on in the room around them.

"My new body," his voice is softer than usual and he waits anxiously for her response. Honestly, he's vain in any body he has. Her eyes sparkle once more, but with flirtatious intent this time instead of anger, and he decides that he likes that much better - though both look fucking fantastic on her.

"Oh, well," she responds archly, her smirk wide as she eyes him up an down. "I don't know, I've only seen the face."

It's a relief to find out he doesn't blush in this body - oh she is wicked, he thinks. Just then the ship jolts once more, and he throws his arms up to catch her as they grin at each other like children. "Well, we can rectify that later. But first, I believe you're due for a divorce?"

"Oh please, it hardly counts," River rolls her eyes as they head to the console together, both of their hands flying across the switches and dials with ease. "He just thinks we're married. I needed access, sweetie. Are you jealous?" She grins across at him and he huffs in irritation.

"Of course not, why would I be? He's only a head on a robot body! That's hardly threatening, practically an android."

"Well, it does liven things up, sweetie."

"Oh shut up," he shoots the words at her as he thrusts the monitor in her direction. She catches it with ease, still smirking.

"Make me," she laughs delightfully and oh bollocks, he's missed this. Her flirting at the most inappropriate moments. "Just give me a tick to become a widow first," she offers with a wink and he groans, shooting a glance at Nardole who is watching them with confusion. He glares at her in exasperation and she sighs, rolling her eyes. "Fine, I'll only shoot to maim. You never change, honestly."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

~*~*~*~

It's much later - after she's thoroughly inspected and decides that yes, she does like the new body. He'd tried everything to make her stay, but finally she pushes her way out the doors with exasperated instructions for him to come back in five minutes. He can finally take her to Darillium - he's always promised, and they've never quite made it.

At first he balks, he's not picking her up, and not for that certainly. But then the TARDIS gives him her sonic - complete with a gift wrapped box and he misses her - it's so ridiculous, he's just spent ages without her but one adventure and he's right back in the throes once more. He misses things about her that he'd forgotten - how she smells, the sound of her giggle when she muffles it in his neck, the way she studies him like she has nothing else to devote her time to.

He'll go see her; he thinks - but not for Darillium. Something else. An adventure. It feels like old times as he pilots the TARDIS to her house, sure to pick a date after he'd last seen her. He also lets the TARDIS guide his way a bit - she keeps track of when he was there more than he ever has. He almost runs out the doors when he lands, but the ship whirs in irritation, and he feels a mental nudge to the wardrobe.

Right. Well he's certainly not putting on Bowtie's suits but yes - he does usually dress up for River, doesn't he? Moments later he is emerging - a suit, but a bit more old-fashioned. Honestly, he feels like a ponce in it - but it's River and he's never not dressed up.

When he stomps through her garden to knock on her door, she opens it in a stunning red gown. She looks like royalty, his hearts stutter in his chest and she laughs at his expression. "About time! I'm not letting you put it off this time, you said the Towers and I'm driving just to be sure we get there. Honestly, you're complete rubbish." She turns to lock her door and presses a kiss to his cheek before she grabs his hand and drags him back to the TARDIS. "Is that a new suit? You look like you hate it, my love," she giggles as they pass through the doors and she halts by the console, her eyes darting around. She turns, frowning at him. "When are we for you? What did you last do?"

"What? I just - Christmas, River. Giant diamond, husband who wasn't a husband..." he offers the words cautiously - honestly he'd landed himself not five minutes afterward. "Look - I landed five minutes-"

"Five decades more like," she nudges his shoulder and pulls out the soft black diary he'd given her before she left. "None of the others are here. You stupid man. When are you ever going to learn to fly your own ship?"

He swallows, feeling the edge of the giftbox he'd not put in his pocket nudging at him, and he closes his eyes in gratitude for a moment. His bloody ship - always meddling. She'd brought him too far ahead - but fifty years... only to show him there was still more to do.

"When's the last time you saw me?" He finally finds his voice and she laughs brightly, looking at him with fond exasperation.

"You know that's spoilers, my love. Well, I hope you enjoyed having one up on me last time, because I think you'll find that once again, I know you inside and out, sweetie. Now, Darillium - you promised this time. Shall we?"

"We shall, dear. No more avoiding it - I promised didn't I?" His voice is dry but he keeps himself in check. He can do this, he thinks - with the promise of a plethora of nights with her to follow, he can do this. It's not an end, not for him. It's beginning at an end - just like he had at the Library. New face, same wife, new ending's beginning.

It feels right, he thinks as he pilots them away with a grin.