miracle boys

21

another week went by since calum was released from the hospital. the swelling from the surgery had slowly gone down, along with the pain. of course, it still hurt sometimes, but not as bad. calum was still worried everyday for his baby.

ashton worried about the baby everyday as well, but he also worried about calum. the couple was due to go back in a week for another check up...that's all that filled ashtons calendar now. appointments scattered the paper with different times, different doctors, and some different places. sometimes, ashton wondered if it was going to be worth it.

ashton just wanted the best outcome, and that was both of them coming out of this alive, healthy, and happy.

the older boy is still lost up in his thoughts, when calum yells for him from the bedroom.

"ashy!"

"yes, darling?"

"can i have some ice cream, please?"

"sure thing, calum! chocolate or vanilla?"

"both. thank you!"

ashton just smiles to himself, and makes his way to the kitchen.

more scenarios filled ashtons head as he got calums ice cream. most of them weren't good, either.

what happens if calum falls down while im not here? and for some reason he's stuck and he cant get up? what if the baby moves while im not here, and it ends up hurting calum again? i cant leave calum alone.

ashton sighs as he grabs a spoon, and puts it in the bowl.

what if calum goes into labour early? while im not here? and there isnt a phone nearby? what happens if the baby comes out and the fetus is tangled up in the umbilical cord?

what if calum does during childbirth, and so does the baby?

ashton stops his movement, and shudders. that's one scenario he did not want to think about.

"awe, thank you ashy!" calum says happily, taking the bowl from ashtons hands.

"you're welcome, love," ashton says softly, and sits down next to calum. the younger boy basically shoves all the ice cream down his throat, making ashton chuckle.

"did you even taste it, bub?"

"yes, i did," calum says, matter of factly, setting the empty bowl down on the nightstand.

"we need to talk," ashton says, cutting of calums cute giggle. it makes ashtons heart lurch. he needed to get it off his chest, though, he needed calums reassurance.

"okay...what's on your mind, ashton?"

"you."

"okay...what about me?"

"im just gonna say it, please dont speak til im done," ashton says, taking a deep breath, "...i keep picturing you in these different scenarios where you or the baby dont make it and its fucking with me, calum. the only reason i can come up with, for the fact that im even thinking about this, is cause what the doctors said about you not surviving. that's really been messing with my head, and i guess thats just my brains way of trying to prepare for the worst. calum, i love you so much and i really just dont know what i would do without you."

"oh, sweetheart," calum says softly, laying his hand down on ashtons cheek, " remember when you said we were going to get through this together? i need you to remember that now. we're going to get through this together,  whatever happens. we're all going to be okay and you're not going to lose either of us, ashton. i promise."

tears cloud ashtons eyes, "you can't promise me..."

"ashton," calum hisses, his own voice betraying him, "i am promising you that, because you will not lose me. i need you to just breath, and think about all the happy times to come when we are raising this baby."

"you know the harsh reality, though. the chances of you not surviving are higher than the ones of you surviving so what do you expect me to do? just forget about the fact that i have a greater chance of losing you? just plan my future around having you and the baby around when we both know that might not happen?"

tears are slowly falling down calums cheeks.

"look, calum," ashton says, placing his hand on calums thigh, "im sorry, im just...this is all fucking with my head, and just the thought of you being gone just...anything could happen and that scares me."

"i know," calum whispers, not trusting his voice to speak. ashton didnt trust his voice either. so, he brings calum in for a hug and doesn't let him go.

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