Futanari System

Emotional Recovery

I awoke I was sitting on softness and my ears being played with softly it felt good. I felt emotionally spent. I was exhausted my emotions felt muted. The Merchant Train continues on and I just want to be left alone. Mally and Emily continue to just let me be. I sit in thought that maybe another bandit crew could attack and that I have been sitting here feeling sorry for myself. My brain just doesn't feel like it is working well. I remember the faces of the various men and women with the bandits as they turned and ran. I just became the reaper and took their lives with no remorse.

Now I feel remorse but the logic in my head comes up blank on why I should feel anything towards people who kill for nothing but a small payday. I don't even know what to think my brain is in a loop.

"Chelsea are you okay?" Mally asks me I look up and see I am on Mally's lap and I shake my head feeling vulnerable. "Is it because of the Bandits?"

I don't know that's the problem I need to put a finger on it to deduce the problem. "I don't know I have never killed before and it is so easy once I came up with the right method I just don't know why I feel like this. My logic tells me it should be fine. But they turned into a blood mist from my actions Literally I had team members die because of my incompetence I don't know how to feel I am in turmoil on how to feel. It felt so easy at the moment. I need to kill them as they come to kill me. How do I go about that but one revelation and poof they are a joke in my eyes. I do not get it.

"That is normal Chelsea for you to not understand your feelings about killing. Those were living beings and it seems your parents did not just propagate bullshit racist theory too you. A lot of humans look at Demons like they are literally all that is evil in the world. They feel no remorse when they kill us. There have been several crusades when they were more church focused that made humans kill us without remorse even though we have never done anything to them. The beast-kin were enslaved under them for a number of years. The humans were literally breeding beds back in the ancient arcane era. It is normal to feel remorse but it will fade as you realize it is you or them. No one has the right to kill you except yourself. I think this would have been easier if you were like Emily and had to fight them hand to hand on your first kill instead of with Mana. Things don't go freely any way allow yourself to grieve your innocence but that is all that died today for us. Who cares about those random adventurers. They are not our problem you needed this experience and they did not need to know that you never had this experience before."

"They thought this was a free ride so nothing is our fault here they came underprepared. I came underprepared for that last fight I should have had some basic wards set up on the train so that I could defend it better. None of us were prepared for the ambush except you. You saved all of us in more than one way. Now how are you feeling Chelsea wants to appease yourself with me?" Her smile with lust in it brought me a smile. Fuck this girl can talk, that was a talk I needed. I still felt like shit but after that fuck yesterday and the talk today I don't feel lost just a bit emotionally warn out. It will take me a bit of time to come to terms with it but I was still hired to do a job and I will sure as fuck do it.

"I am feeling a bit better my emotions feel a bit worn out I will admit. But we still have a long travel ahead of us I need to get my shit together," My brain feels like it is booting up. "Mally get your wards up along each part of the Merchant train next rest period Em' be a dear and get the casualty list. I know Healing magic and will heal those still alive if possible. Mally next breaks you deserve good fucking." I look at her with lust she was fucking sexy. Emily pouts to the side but I lean back and try to emotionally get more foundation in. I still feel raw and I am genuinely having a hard time getting my emotions in control.

I sat up on my own not too long after as the merchant train came to a stop. Mally ran out to start her warding and Emily ran to get the information. I just sat there and looked at my system.