LOVE AND MARRIAGE

Painful Secrets

Sylvia

I sat in the chair near my window and looked out the window deep in thought. Its funny how life puts you in a place where you have to evaluate everything that you have ever done. The things that I have done has been all out of love and protection. Now I'm battling cancer and I pray to God that I beat this. I still feel like I have so much to live for. I still have my own secrets that are me attacking more than this cancer is.

I have been the strongest link to this whole family and now Desire is the strongest link, even though she doesn't realize it. Renee isn't as strong, but she is learning day by day. I sighed and wiped the tears that fell from my eyes. I was in so much pain physically and emotionally.

I really need to reveal all this to my family before its too late. Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us. When I first found out that I had breast cancer it took me by surprise because I felt fine. I was so busy protecting my family that I didn't make sure to take care of myself. I found out I had cancer when I was in LA, but I had to hold myself together during that time because my family was depending on me.

"Momma."

I turned in the direction of Lawrence and he immediately made his way over to me. He kneeled down in front of me and I broke down in his arms. I couldn't be strong anymore. I was weak and I needed all my family around me.

"Listen." Lawrence lifted my chin to make me look at him. "You really need to talk to Renee. This isn't good for you to be upset like this." He wiped the tears from my eyes.

"I know, but how do you tell someone after all these years that you are not their real mother? How do you look them in their face and tell them Lawrence? Huh? Can you tell me that?" I banged my fist on my legs and let my emotions take over me.

"She will understand if you tell her the reason why. And in my opinion you saved her from a life that could have been detrimental. Renee could have ended up in foster care if it had not been for you. Momma you did a good deed and God knows that and he sees that."

"Oh Lawrence you are so much like your father, God rest his soul." I started coughing violently and I couldn't breathe.

"Momma!"

"C-call 911..."

Lawrence

I paced back and forth in the ICU waiting room. It was so hard seeing my mother like this after seeing her be strong for so many years. She was all that had and I needed her like I needed my next breath. I was furious because she didn't want me to call her family. They had a right to know and I know that she is gonna be highly upset with me, but I can't do this.

I walked into a private conference room and called David. Then I tried reaching Desire, but it went to voicemail, so I had to leave a message. David and Renee were on the way. I walked back out and stood with my hands deep in my pocket. I was in deep thought when the doctor come out.

"Monroe Family."

I turned and headed over to the doctor.

"Hey I'm Dr. Sanchez and your mother is really weak right now. For one the chemo is taking a toll on her body and now she has a severe case of pneumonia. We had to place her on a ventilator and she is in a semi-coma. The next few days are touch and go, but we are doing all that we can." He patted my shoulder and smiled weakly.

"Thank you doctor. Can I see her?"

"Sure son."

I nodded and made my way inside the room. I paused because it pained my heart seeing her so helpless and lifeless. I missed seeing that smile and that boss ass attitude. This was so hard for me to endure. I stepped closer to the bed and looked around at all the tubes and machines that her body was hooked up to.

My heart broke into a million pieces. I stood there for a moment in silence as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I have heard some folks say a man ain't supposed to cry, but that's bullshit. A real man shows his emotions and he doesn't give a damn what the world has to say about him crying.

I ran my hands down my face and as the tears came. Just like my mother I couldn't be strong anymore either. I grabbed her hand and rubbed my hand back and forth across her pale skin. I was so emotional I couldn't even find the words to say.

"It seems just like yesterday that I was standing by my father's bed when he was battling colon cancer. Now I'm by your bed and you are battling breast cancer. It almost killed me when pops died, but if I lose you I won't be able to make it. I need you so much because you are my rock of strength, my voice of reason and you are my one and only queen."

"Momma I love you and I pray that you pu-" Her machines started beeping and going haywire.

The doctor's and nurses rushed in pushing me outta of the way. I couldn't move. I was zoned out because I felt like she had stopped fighting. I felt like she was leaving me.

"Lawrence." I turned and saw Renee and David.

"I-I-I don't know if she gon' make it." I walked off a slid down the wall across from her room.

"Oh David that's my mother and I can't lose her like this. I just don't understand what happened. She was always so healthy." I heard Renee say in tears.

Dear Lord please keep my mother in your care....

There will be a part two to this. I know y'all are wondering about Renee not being Mrs. Sylvia's biological daughter, but later on you will see how everything happened and why it happened.