Alaska is a normal teenage girl who loves to dance, she isn't asian in any way though. She didn't expect to make it into JYP entertainment but to her surprise it was Felix Lee who helped her get in, she needs to debut or else it'll be all for nothin...
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𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑵𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 21 Guilt
"It's not your fault, come on." Yuna fake smiled as she pulled me and Nina into a hug at the dorms.
"I should've helped you more though, I just thought because you were a trainee you would perform a lot better this time." I sobbed.
"I agree, I should've helped you as well." Nina confessed. "We should've worked more harder for us to be on the same page."
"Guys, I gave it my all. It's my fault for not doing my best." Yuna sighed. "Even doing your best isn't enough."
"But you've trained for years." Nina sniffled. "You deserve a spot in that line up."
"Even if I trained that much, if I'm not ready then I'm not ready. I'll change agencies as soon as I leave." Yuna explained. "Maybe I could debut in another group and still be friends with you both."
I nodded as I hugged her tight again and let her go, I didn't want her to leave. I wish she made it just like we barely did. I wish we could've debuted together. Looking at Twice I was so happy when Mina, Momo, and Sana debuted together but I can't even have that.
• • •
"Hey." Felix caught up to me as I entered the convenience store.
"Hi." I mumbled as I take a drink and a ramen cup, not sparing a glance at the boy.
"What's wrong?" Felix stopped me and forced me to look into his eyes.
"Yuna got eliminated." I frowned and went to the counter to go pay.
"Oh." He replied with a sad look. "I'm so sorry bubby, I know it hurts a lot."
He brings me into his chest and I hug him tight, I didn't expect for him to hug me at all especially in public but it was comforting.
Once we got more snacks and paid we sat down at the table and began to talk, it felt nice.
"Alaska, you're going to do fine. I know it feels like you lost something so valuable so now you feel empty and I do get it. Friendship is so important, I remember when I got eliminated Chan-hyung walked to the dorms with me. But you can still remain friends." Felix shot me a sad smile.
"I just wanted to debut with her though." I began to let the tears slip again. "I know I shouldn't be this emotional since we only met like a month ago and I wasn't the one eliminated but I don't think I'll get closer to the other girls the way I was with Nina and Yuna. I feel like it was my fault they didn't do better."
"Bubby, it's not your fault at all! You did all you could and you're a trainee yourself so you have a lot to learn. Yuna has to get into a debut group herself, It's her responsibility not yours." Felix hugged me again and placed his hand on my head. "You are enough."
I stayed quiet for a few minutes, I liked resting my head on Felix's chest because his breathing was so relaxing. Every time his chest rises and then goes back down while he strokes my hair gently made me feel at ease. I was aware this looked wrong especially in public but I felt that if I let go now, I wouldn't be able to contain the grief I'm going through.
So this is what Sana felt when Momo got eliminated, this is what Stray Kids felt when Minho and Felix got eliminated. I understand it a lot more now but I wish I never felt this pain.
"You better now?" Felix pulled me away from his chest to check my eyes.
"I guess so?" I nodded and glanced down.
"Good, because I talked with Chan and let him know we are just friends so you don't need to worry about him." He smiled which made his freckles appear more adorable.
"So he's not going to give me that devil stare anymore?" I asked.
"He better not." Felix frowned. "I'll fight him."
"No you won't, He's like your brother." I chuckled and rested my head on the crook of his neck.
We stayed that way for the whole time and talked about what we would do in the future.
"Felix." I stated as I turned to look at his face. "We still can't be together."
"JYP stated in the contract that I couldn't date but never in the contract did it say I couldn't have feelings or kiss other people." Felix chuckled. "Remember the first time we hung out together?"
Do I remember? The first time.. Oh yeah. A smile formed on my lips as I recalled the memory.
•
"Come on! You won't fall, trust yourself." I advised with a small smile.
Felix nodded slightly as he took small steps and sat next to you.
"It's really pretty, I've never done anything like this," Felix said and looked at me with a smile.
"That's because you haven't lived yet, I think being an idol means you have to also take precautions and make sure you take care of yourself. But idols should take risks and live a little, otherwise, they aren't living." I explained as I looked at the beautiful night sky.
"I mean you aren't lying," Felix paid close attention to my words. "I love performing but sometimes I think if I took the right path or not. Sometimes I just want to live as a normal teenager, playing video games really help me balance my idol life and teen life. I wish I could be as risky as you but I'm pretty sure my contract could be terminated."
Felix chuckled at the last part and started to play with his tiny hands.
"Well they don't always have to know, I bet idols date in secret. So if they can date in secret then why can't you do something to give you an adrenaline rush." You got up and offered your hand.
"Where are we going?" Felix asked as he took your hand and got up, he followed me as we got down from the building.
"Well there is a convenience store around here, aren't you hungry?" I smiled.
•
"I told you to go live." I smiled.
"In life." Felix winked. "And that's what I'm doing right now, I haven't had feelings in a long time. I was oblivious for my feelings for you until Chan came.. I just felt like I was losing our bond."
"I felt that same way." I snorted. "I only spent time with Chan because he truly helped me in music, don't tell me you were going to fight him over that?"
"Fight him? Never! I wouldn't ever be mad at Chan because he spent time with the girl I liked but I felt uncomfortable at the sight.. I guess that's why I spent more time with Mako and let her drag me everywhere." Felix laughed and smiled brightly at me.
"Ugh, change the topic! So are we just friends with benefits then?" I questioned.
"Yes." Felix nodded. "Until we can publicly confirm it, we'll be friends with benefits."
"And to cover that up we'll just tell others we're really close friends." I smirked.
"This plan could go really good or really bad to be honest." Felix sighed.
"Let's hope we can pull this off." I sighed along with him.
