Alaska is a normal teenage girl who loves to dance, she isn't asian in any way though. She didn't expect to make it into JYP entertainment but to her surprise it was Felix Lee who helped her get in, she needs to debut or else it'll be all for nothin...
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𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑵𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 40 Fuck you too
I don't know what to do, I was being crowded of worries. I was in a new dorm which is strictly for trainees like I was with Nina and Yuna. You would think it would be more full but its literally just me.. I feel sad.
I once again tried to text Felix but ever since the news of Stray Kids dating ban ending and then a photo of Felix and I kissing being released... No response.
So I went to the convenience store again, and to my luck that's where I found Felix.
"Felix." I spoke softly as I saw him sitting at the back with his head in the table.
He quickly lifted his head and turned away from me.
"What are you doing here? Leave right now." He said.
"Felix." I sat at his table. "We need to talk, whether you like it or not."
"What's there to talk about?" He scoffed. "We can't be alone or seen together, if you want to keep your spot at JYP don't mess it up."
"I don't want to end what's going on with us." I frowned.
"There is nothing going on with us, we were best friends and now we can't be as close as before." Felix spat. "Now don't mess up your chance at JYP because this is the only chance you have at your future. You don't get another."
"What?" I glared. "You think I can't get into another company if JYP kicks me?"
"Yes." Felix turns to me with a blank face. "It's hard enough to get into JYP, so say goodbye to getting accepted into other companies."
"So you don't believe that I can make it? After the many times you told me you did." I clenched my jaw getting pissed off. "You cannot deny there was something going on between us."
"Alaska, if you don't leave I will." Felix said standing up. "It's for your own good."
"My own good?" I scoffed as I stood up and faced him. "I know it's bad to be seen together but what can I fucking do when you don't reply to my calls or texts? Fuck off, I thought for once I met a guy who genuinely cares about me and what we had. Don't bother talking to me."
I slapped him in the face before storming out of the store, I didn't give a fuck about who saw or not. Usually the store is empty anyways but if Felix wants to completely ignore the way I want to communicate to help solve the stupid problem then I will too.
Why should I keep fighting for something he doesn't want to continue fighting for?
I could hear Felix's calls from behind me as he tried to catch up to me but I got on the bus instead of walking to lose him, he didn't know the way to my new dorm and I hope it stays that way.
I was done with him.
I had to focus on myself, something I lack in so much. I shouldn't have been with him, this was my mistake and now I had to fix it. I will do better.
Right?
But I don't like it here, I miss home. I miss America and being surrounded by my friends even if we didn't talk as much.
I needed to leave.
But I can't leave just like that, I need to get some training in..
• • •
It's been about 3 months and I've been training nonstop everyday, my birthday was tomorrow which didn't really matter anymore because It's not like I wanted to spend it with anyone.
I miss Felix.
And it's getting harder to keep going when I have no more support, I have Nina and Yuna but once again they're training at Pnation. But I don't need anyone, all I need is myself.
But I still cannot manage to not think about Felix once a day, it really sucked but I felt really broken.
"Hello, this is day 58 of training at the JYP building after I got kicked from the group." I set up the camera in the dance room. "It really sucks, I mean fans who watched the survival show suddenly think I'm a bully and also dated Felix which got way out of line. I genuinely think there is no coming back from this, I shouldn't have expected JYP to protect me from the bully rumors."
I looked down and stared blankly at my hands. "I don't like this anymore, training is the same process and for a while I didn't mind it because I trained with other people.. I had Felix to hang out with when I was lonely.. But I'm so lonely now and have no one anymore."
Suddenly I hear a few movements from the door to which I look back and furrow my eyebrows. I turn off the camera and grab my belongings as I walk towards the door and open it.
There stood Felix with a hurtful look on his face as he was just caught lurking around the halls listening to me.
I didn't bother saying a word to him as I barge past him and walk down the halls.
"Alaska, wait!" Felix tries to walk towards me.
"Leave me alone." I turn around with a glare. "I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to do anything with you just leave me alone."
I turn back and walk down the hall with tears in my eyes, I can't do this anymore. No matter how hard I try to avoid him he's always there or near the stupid building just because we're under the same company.
He infuriates me so much, and he's so dumb what if JYP catches us talk?
Then I would really be screwed..
That night I sat in the couch of my living room as I saw my members on the debut stage singing, 6 instead of 7..
And you know what? I'm glad, I'm glad I didn't debut with them. I felt uncomfortable with it and I didn't feel at home.
