Alaska is a normal teenage girl who loves to dance, she isn't asian in any way though. She didn't expect to make it into JYP entertainment but to her surprise it was Felix Lee who helped her get in, she needs to debut or else it'll be all for nothin...
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𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑵𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 27 Confidence is key.
"You make me happier." Felix whispered to me in my ear as we pulled away.
"You keep me grounded." I replied with a small smile. "I also wanted to ask how have you been? You seem to have less stress on you now."
"Oh, JYP let's me have even more breaks now which I'm happy about," Felix smiles. "And my back doesn't hurt anymore thankfully."
"I'm glad Chan talked it out with JYP, you definitely needed more breaks." I replied as I laid my head onto his shoulder and held his hand.
"Well we are trying to prepare for a comeback so we have to work hard, I just hope I don't fall behind." Felix sighs. "You'll have to work as hard as I do someday."
"If I get in." I corrected him.
"Why do you always say that?" Felix questioned as he looked at me with a frown.
"Say what?" I sit up and look at him with confusion.
"You always act like you're not good enough when you definitely are. Stop saying if, start saying when." Felix explained. "Your mindset shows a lot, JYP isn't going to choose you if you keep thinking that low of yourself."
"Oh," I replied and nodded slowly turning the other way. "I don't know.. I just have this unsure feeling on my chest."
"Gain your confidence back, Alaska." Felix commented and he laid back on the bed. "You cannot be an idol without confidence."
Those words struck through me, he was right. I can't be an idol if I'm always unsure of myself. If I'm going to have fans and they look up to me then who would I be if I wasn't sure of myself? I need to lead them, I have to be better and own this small responsibility.
But how could I even gain confidence?
• • •
"I am not, helping you." Mako walked away without sparing a glance.
"Mako, please!" I begged. "I know we haven't had the best interactions but what if JYP docks off points?"
"Alaska, you somehow always want to be better. Maybe train in JYP for a couple of years and then you'll get it!" Mako hissed as she sat down and drank her water.
We were at the JYP building practicing but I kept running after Mako in the hallways, she didn't want to help me.
"Why are you being so mean? We are suppose to work as a team!" I groaned.
"Team? Ha, you always drag Felix away when I need him the most. He's my mentor and Chan is your mentor, so why does he always hang out with you?" Mako turned to me. "You know what JYP said about me? I was staying at the same level while you were getting better, he compared us so many times! Do you know how that feels like?"
"Mako—"
"No! Alaska, you don't get it! I have trained in here for more years than you, I need to debut! I care about everyone on our team but you just take away my chances to grow!" Mako spat.
I sat next to her and look down.
"I know how it feels like to be compared, I've been compared my whole life." I sighed. "I'm sorry."
Mako looked at me with softened eyes before wiping a tear that escaped her eye.
"I just— I just want to debut, no fooling around and no breaking rules. I want to be a solid group where we can trust each other. I want this to not be temporary." Mako confessed weakly. "I don't care how hard and the sacrifices I have to take... I need to debut. Chan trained for 7 years and Jihyo trained for 9... That's a lot of years, Alaska."
"Yeah, this is very scary.. But my whole life I didn't know what I wanted to be. I knew I wanted to perform but my parents never gave me that encouragement or care for that, instead they let me box myself in and become afraid of nearly everything. My anxiety got worse and I was blamed for it, I had to be as good as my brother but how could I? I wasn't doing what I loved." I replied as I rubbed my face. "This is my one chance. I don't want to screw it up and that's why I came to you, you reek of confidence and that's why JYP chose you as the top of the debut line up."
Mako smiled at me before playfully punching my arm. "I mean I guess I do have a lot of confidence..."
I chuckled at her before standing up. "I won't take Felix from you.. I didn't mean to but it's just that he makes me feel like home, I go to him for everything because he was the first one I met before coming here."
"Really? I didn't even know that, attachment issues?" Mako snorted as she stood up too.
"Something like that." I sighed before laughing it off with her.
We both walked back to the practice room to practice with the other girls, for now we were on okay terms and I hope it remains that way for a long time because I have a lot to learn from her.
