The Audition || Felix FF || Stray Kids ✔

30

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒏𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 30

"I see that you want to impersonate an idol, and I've told you since the auditions to be yourself." JYP said to Rima.

Jeez, he was definitely being direct.

"Why haven't you expressed yourself like I told you to?" JYP questioned.

"Well." Rima began to speak but then stopped to think about it. "I try really hard to create an image for myself and while I do try to express myself I guess the artists just have a huge impact on me... I wish I could've done better to express myself and my identity."

But Rima was good, she danced well and rapped pretty good.. I can see some flaws in how she can't fully express herself but I personally think it's because of the nerves.

"Ah.." JYP nodded as he switched papers and looked to me. "Alaska, you were more disappointing in this performance."

My heart dropped, I did that bad? I practiced really hard though.. I made sure with Chan that it was good, what did I mess up?

"It's like, I see the way you had fun on stage with the girls but you didn't focus more on yourself. It's more of you looking at the girls to make sure they do good and not mess up." He explained as he stared into my soul.

I nodded slowly trying to show that I was deeply listening to his words, I should've done better.. What was I thinking? I need to focus on myself but I was worried about Nina. I should've stuck to my movements. But if I didn't pay attention Nina would've fell on her face and I wouldn't be there to catch her.

"I like that you expressed yourself though, that is something that I've seen so much improvement over the weeks. I remember you had little confidence and I was wondering if it was really worth keeping you here." JYP kept going. "You looked a lot more confident in yourself and your moves were perfect."

I smiled slightly and thanked him twice for that, it was shocking to me that he found something good to say about me.

"Now Nina." JYP flipped to the last paper with a pen in his hand. "PSY has a couple of words for you."

I looked at Nina to see a pained expression on her face, I can tell she wants to cry.

"Nina, for the past performances we did see improvement and while your voice is really well... You still managed to mess up." PSY said. "What Alaska did was amazing because she was able to keep you on your feet so that you wouldn't fall. But as an audience we all saw it, I think you were being careless."

But she wasn't! I know she gave it her all! This isn't fair, I can't believe they're saying this to her, she's worked her ass off to perform and she messed up one time!

But I guess they are being reasonable... We can't just be messing up because we're nervous. We have to be perfect, there's no "what if" before we perform. We had to learn to be perfect, we cannot make mistakes.

"Nina, I believe that you are a great singer. But your problem is your lack of confidence when dancing, you're wondering if you're doing good and seeking for validation. You need to be confident when you dance and know that you will not mess up." JYP said as Nina nodded her head.

"I am sorry I couldn't show you the best stage." Nina replied with a sad face.

"Me too, the only thing you succeeded in was singing and I understand you love singing but like we said before— you cannot stand out from everyone else as the vocalist." JYP said with a small smile.

As everyone else got their feedback I stood with my team in the back, this is it.. What if I don't make the line up? Most importantly what if Nina doesn't make it? She'll make it... Right? If I didn't make it then at least I'd want Nina to make it, she's my best friend and I want what's best for her.

"The first member who everyone could probably already tell is...." JYP announced. "Mako."

It went by so fast honestly, soon Miihi was called, Mayuka, Riku, Rio, and Maya.

I froze, there was only 3 of us left.. Who would get the last spot? Nina had to, she improved so much and can benefit the group so well.

Will he choose me? Was I good enough?
I don't think so, I feel like I could've worked harder. I'm disappointed in myself entirely, I wish I did better.

"And lastly, the final member of the line up is...." JYP started.

I looked over to Nina before looking at the ground, this is it... My heart was beating quickly and I felt my eyes sting, this was all or nothing. I wish I was able to debut with the girls... But I wasn't able to achieve that.

"Alaska." JYP stated as he stood up.

My eyes widened, no this can't be real. Is this real? Was I? Did he call on me? I have to be dreaming...

I began to cry as I stood forward with the other girls, what the fuck was happening?

I couldn't bring myself to even look into Nina's eyes or direction, what was supposed to happen now? The whole time I was thinking about me and her making it and even with Yuna gone we could still remain as close friends.

"Congratulations, you all will debut soon." PSY announced with a smile as both him and JYP step down from their desks and walk towards us.

Suddenly confetti blew up and it was all over us, I began to cry harder as I looked back at Nina who shot me a sad smile and a nod.

I shook my head at her, it wasn't supposed to end like this. 

"I'm proud of you." Nina mouthed to me which made me even sadder.

I shook JYP's hand as he gave me a necklace with the group name on it, I really can't believe I made it. I wasn't happy... I know I'm supposed to but is this really what I want?