Alaska is a normal teenage girl who loves to dance, she isn't asian in any way though. She didn't expect to make it into JYP entertainment but to her surprise it was Felix Lee who helped her get in, she needs to debut or else it'll be all for nothin...
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Trigger Warning: Mention of body image and weight, missing meals
𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑵𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 34 I'm not Okay with this
It's been a week and I haven't spoke to Felix at all.
We haven't even texted at all, I was going to but I chickened out. What was going on? I mean there wasn't a texting ban so I should be alright? Then why aren't we texting? Why didn't we call? What was wrong with us?
We weren't doing anything too bad, we sort of bent the rules... Right?
It's my fault, I shouldn't have escalated the situation... But he kissed me first.
I was thinking of texting Jisung but I realized I didn't have his number so it's no use. I was stuck in dorms waiting to go to the building with our manager and group. I really miss Felix, I mean we spent so much time together normally that a week hurt. I shouldn't be acting this clingy.. We're not even dating! I hate not being able to do anything about this.
"You good?" Miihi asks as she enters my room and closes the door. "You haven't ate much this week."
"I'm good, I just don't really eat a lot anyways," I chuckled. "Good for debut right?"
"Well... Yeah I guess." Miihi sighed. "Just... Eat with me when I eat, alright?"
"Yeah," I smiled as my stomach hurt. "Are we able to leave now?"
"Mako's almost done getting ready, we should wait in the living room though because our manager is waiting or us there." Miihi advised as she went towards my door.
I nodded and got up, I followed her to the living room and saw our manager who looked scary.
"Hello girls, I'm Nicole and I'll be your manager for now." She smiled slightly. "Get outside quickly and I'll check on Mako."
We all bowed and followed her request, she didn't seem that bad.. She seems fine for now.
I wonder what Felix was doing right now.
I need to focus on myself! Why couldn't I just do one simple task.
I think maybe I'm just overreacting? I shouldn't be, it's not like we were doing something illegal.. Right? I just don't want to ruin his career, I want him to succeed just like he helped me succeed in the survival show and for some reason I still don't understand how I made it in when there's people who were more talented than me that didn't get in.
I should ask JYP why he chose me.. Or not? What if he took me out for questioning him, I mean I should be confident in his choice in choosing me. If I didn't then what's the point? What's the point of being an idol when you don't have confidence in yourself. You will have to get used to being a good example for your fans and for your fans to rely on you. It's kind of messed up not going to lie, it's not my responsibility for my fan's actions but the media makes it seem like that. I mean idols can't date without at least one "fan" getting upset. Maybe I got into the industry too fast.
"We're here." I was told before getting off the bus for our group, the car was pretty nice I won't lie but I still wished I could've experienced this with Yuna and Nina.
I'm being disrespectful god damn it, I should appreciate the members I have now. I will be living with them for the rest of my career so I need to learn to trust them. Why am I being so selfish right now? I can't be selfish, I need to be better and think about everyone else... This is so hard. I have to remain humble.
At the company building we did workouts and we also did our normal dance and vocal lessons, just doing everything to be the most professional we could ever be. Even as rookies we had to be better, it's stressful. I was told I had to be under 110 pounds before I debut which made me scared. They weighed me at the end of the workout and told me that I shouldn't eat this week and I agreed.
I should listen to what they say because they are the experts right?
A lot of idols go through this before debuting so it's normal!
It's not normal.
I should be happy that I'm learning to be an idol.
