I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Ninety-Seven

Van
Six Weeks Later

It's easy to forget where you are when you're on the road. Cities, landmarks, none of it really matters or helps you identify your location. It all bleeds together into a tapestry of lights and sound. Days turns to weeks and time becomes elusive in general. We could have been in the UK, or we could have been in Australia. I didn't always know where I was when I came to in the morning. I needed a minute to level out. You'd think after non stop touring for the last four years, I'd have figured it out. But it was the opposite really.

The rocking movement of the bus woke me, and I peered through the small blind covering the morning light that tried to enter through the window. My head was pounding as per usual when we spent the night on the bus, and this was our fifth night in a row on the bus. The bunks were small, dreadful things with little to no room to stretch out in. I was rolled to my side, knees curling lightly into my stomach as I tried to make room for the person sleeping lightly beside me. Ellie.

I turned toward her, toward the rise and fall of her chest and the way her hair spilled over the t-shirt of mine she'd borrowed. At some point in the night, she'd turned on her back, and I didn't have the heart to wake her. I'd compromised with myself, and given up a decent night's rest for her sake. She'd been struggling with the grueling schedule, even if she didn't let onto it. Her eyes were deep with never ending exhaustion, and her skin didn't seem to glow the way it normally did. This lifestyle, my lifestyle, was wearing on her. And I'd brought her along for the ride for my own selfish greed, and to keep her safe. But mainly, for myself.

I thought back to the previous month, to the realization that Barns was in fact, a free man. The frantic phone calls to Ellie that went unanswered, and the lack of communication between her and I that seemed to drone on for endless hours as management and the band tried to decide how much of a threat Barns Courtney actually was. The memory seemed far away now, almost as if happened ages ago.

••••••••••••

By the time I'd actually gotten in touch with Ellie, I was halfway home. Steve made the call that we'd reschedule two interviews to the following week, and we'd extended our two day break to four. Larry, was the only one who offered to ride with me to the house, the only one who wasn't too proud to admit they had been wrong. I thanked him for the offer, but I told him I'd be fine on my own. Ellie and I had to sort through some things. There was more Larry wanted to say, things he needed to get out, whether it was for his sanity or mine I wasn't sure, but a car ride to Llanddulas in the middle of the night wasn't the time for it.

The first thing Ellie and I needed to sort through was Slim.

My mind shifted to the phone call in the car, when I was nearing home. I'd been fueled by caffeine and a pack of Bondy's fags he'd loaned me when I realized I had none. Even though he hadn't said anything to me about the situation, his offering was a gesture, and I took it as such. I locked in the memory and reminded myself to get him a pack on the way back. Tit for tat.

Ellie answered on the first ring early that morning, and I paused, not knowing what to say.

"I'm sorry I haven't answered, Van...it's just-"

"Never mind that now, love. I need you to listen, okay? I'm going to be straightforward with you on this. No sugarcoating it. Barns...Barns is off the hook in America. And he's in England. The label confirmed it, and everyone on management is in a bit of a buzz over it."