I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Ninety-Four

Ellie
(All lyrics in this chapter are copyrighted to the author)

I smoothed my skirt with my hands and wished I would have ironed it, but I was already late. It was the same tan skirt I'd worn in Glasgow, months back when we went out. I smiled to myself at the memory. It was wrinkled in a few spots from being hung up after the move, and I hadn't dug it out since.

Slim agreed to meet me for drinks Thursday, and Thursday approached more rapidly than I thought. I had been looking forward to a night out all week, ever since Van and I spoke about Barns. His tone hadn't changed all week. If anything, when we did talk on the phone, he sounded sad, ruined even. He didn't have much to say about interviews and acoustic shows, and when I listened to the podcasts and watched the highlights from the shows, he didn't even look like he was happy. The chemistry between him and Bondy was lackluster, even when they played old favorites. Something was very off, and I had a feeling there was more to the story than he was letting on.

I didn't have time to dwell on things now though, and I decided I needed to leave before Slim thought I wasn't coming at all. I flicked on the lamp by the door and locked up, before heading to the car. It was a cool night, but nothing that required anything more than a light jacket. Inside the car, I synced up my Spotify and flicked to the podcast the guys were on today. I hadn't listened to the full thing yet, and Van told me they were debuting a few other songs acoustically.

The car filled with he and Bondy's acoustic guitars and I pressed myself into the seat on a smile. I missed the sound of his guitar echoing off the living room walls, and for a second, he felt closer to me than he was. It felt like he was here.

"This one's not an acoustic song on the album, but I've been toying with it a bit, and we decided to give it a go today as an acoustic song. It's called Worst, and it's one of the most honest things I've written. Looking back...it's almost a punch to my gut when I think about how vulnerable it makes me feel."

I frowned, trying to remember the song better. I had my favorites from the album, and to be fair, I'd skipped over this one on more than one occasion. Hearing it stripped down, piqued my interest as I turned the volume up in my car.

Van's vocals cut through the speakers shortly after the first few chords played.

It's the right time
To up and hit you with my best line
And I think that you're doing just fine,
Considering you're around me.
She said that it's the nightlife
That's makes her feel so alive
And I think that she would be just fine,
But she can't let him be.

So I dart to the exit,
And press myself out the door
I doubt anyone saw me disappear.
And I tried to make the best of it,
But I don't give my best anymore,
Wonder what you're still doing here.

It was the worst time,
To sit and drink you off of my mind,
But the bartender is a friend of mine,
Which makes it harder to leave.
She said she feels alright,
Even though he's roughed her up tonight,
Holding her tonic and in hindsight,
They're still thicker than thieves.

So she darts to the exit,
Presses herself at my door,
Says she wishes she could disappear.
And she wants to make the best of it,
So she starts asking me for more,
Now we're trading glances out of fear.

This is the last time,
That I'll be puttin her into a rhyme,
And I hope that she's doin just fine,
Wherever fine may be.
She screams into the night air,
Tosses her head back and pulls down her hair,
I think this side of her is always there,
The side that she can't see.