I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Thirty-Six

Ellie

Everything hurt.

Every. Single. Thing.

Even as I pried my eyelids open and blinked at the blurriness around the edges of my sight, even that hurt. I let myself focus on my surroundings, as bits and pieces of memory pieced themselves together like a puzzle in my head.

Barns.
The hotel room.
Van.
Van trying to get me away from Barns.
The staircase.
Pain.
Van's voice filling the void in the silence.
Voices I didn't recognize.
Sounds I couldn't place.
Doctors and bright lights.
Hospital smells and rushed fingers on my skin.

I shifted in the bed, and tried to get comfortable. It was hard to do when there was so much beeping coming from the machine next to me. For every inch I moved, my body screamed in anguish. It felt like an incredible weight was holding me down, pressing on my chest, and keeping me still. I whimpered. I didn't mean to, but it felt like my bones were being ground to dust. My arms were too heavy to lift and I didn't have the strength to move my legs. My head pounded endlessly, stretching into my neck and shoulders.

Someone stirred beside the window and I froze. A shadow moving too close for comfort, licking what was left of the light from the floor. What if it was Barns? What if he was making this something this wasn't again? Something inside of me tensed into a ball of fear. No. No. No.

"Ellie? You're alright. I promise."

It wasn't Barns' voice, and I relaxed at the realization. It took me a minute to place this voice. I knew it, knew the sarcasm that often droned on between the vowels and consonants of his words. I knew the quiet timbre of it that made you almost smirk when you heard it.

Bondy.

I turned my face toward his, my eyesight adjusting and sharpening. He was dressed in his usual attire, hat tucking his hair nearly against his head. He looked like he was caught somewhere between relief and nervousness.

"Hey." He whispered before pulling the chair over loudly and sinking back into it. He rested his elbows on the bed. I reached for him instinctively, needing to touch something, anything that was real. I needed to make sure this was happening. I needed proof that I was safe.

Bondy let me grab his hand and he offered his back on a soft smile. I didn't say anything, just held onto it tightly as more memories flooded the spaces of my mind that consciousness took over.

I remembered too much at once. I remembered Barns having his hands on me right before Van dove at him. I remembered Van getting beat to the ground, telling Barns he'd rather it be him instead of me. Something inside of me cracked at the memory and I felt like crying. Nothing happened though, instead I gasped for air as the beeping of the machines next to me increased speed, and the weight on my chest felt heavier.

Bondy's eyes traveled to the machine and studied it before returning to me. He gripped my hand tighter.

"Try to relax, Ellie. I know that's the hardest thing for you to understand right now, but you're here, and you're safe. And right now, I've got you and you're going to be alright. Everything's over. It's done. You're alright."

I tried to find air for my lungs, but I only found fear. Fear in the form of Barns looming in the background, waiting for Bondy to leave so he could make himself comfortable.

"Look at me, El. I'm right here." I turned my face towards Bondy and he smiled through his nerves. "It's me. It's Bondy. And you're alright."

I nodded at his words. I understood them. I knew I was okay, but I couldn't turn the fear off. I couldn't turn the pain off.