I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Forty-Two

Van

Everything was quiet.

We stood outside of the bar, the hue of the neon lights shadowing the sidewalk. Bondy left us to ourselves and slipped inside to join the lids, leaving us to the loneliness of empty downtown streets. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She leaned against the brick wall and smoked her fag casually, smiling at me any chance she could get.

I smiled back every time.

She looked different. Her hair was a little shorter than before, more color in her cheeks. I bit my lip as I watched her bring her fag to her mouth.

"I can't believe you're here." I said for the fifth time.

"It seems strange, doesn't it?"

"You felt so far away earlier on the phone, and the whole time...you were closer than I thought."

She tossed her fag on the ground and stepped toward me, throwing her arms around my neck. I pressed my forehead against hers and sighed.

"I have so many things I want to tell you, want to show you, want to ask you...but right now, I just want to savor this." She smiled at my words as I pressed my lips against her forehead and let my hands find the small of her back.

"The lids will kill me if I don't take you inside to see them, though."

She laughed. "I really do miss them. Bondy sure knows how to tug at my heart strings."

I clicked my tongue. "Bondy, eh?" I pulled back, letting my hands slip to the sides of her waist. The last time they were there, was the night we crossed the line in the hotel room. This time it didn't seem wrong. It felt like they were meant to be on her.

She nodded as she leaned into me on a smile.

"Well, I better watch it. Can't have you falling in love with Bondy instead of with me."

The words were out before I heard them. She caught every one of them though, and blinked several times as silence washed over us. I wasn't sure what to say next, where to go from there. I looked down at the ground.

"Not sure what I meant there."

She lifted my chin with her index finger and smiled shyly. "I don't think there's anyone who could hold a candle to how I feel about you, Van."

I felt relief pulse through me. It was the one thing I'd worried over for months. I'd always assumed I'd never be enough for her, she'd never feel about me the way she felt about Barns. All I wanted to know was that she felt something, anything at all for me.

I smiled at her and thumbed her cheeks in circles. There were no bruises or scrapes evident on her skin now, nothing devastating pressing itself the space between her and I. For the first time since we met, it was just us, guard down, nothing holding us back.

"Come on love, let's get you in where it's warm."

I led her to the door and hesitated, my hand resting on the doorknob. "You ready?"

She nodded excitedly as I opened the door on a smile and stepped into the familiarity of the smoke filled bar. The music had shifted into the loud, almost unethical riffs of Jimmy Page, as The Ocean belted through the speakers churning out Zeppelin's finest. I kept Ellie close to me, pulling her along and excusing myself along the way. I heard the cheers of Larry and Bondy as we approached the table.

Blakes stood first and threw his arms around Ellie. He held her out at arms length and looked at her, smiling the entire time. I couldn't make out what he was saying to her, but his eyes rested on me more than once. Bob was next, side hugging her casually in true, drunk-Bob form. His eyes glassed-over and his sway becoming more prominent with every drink he had. Larry was last, smiling and kissing her on the cheek, and high fiving her at the end. I looked over at Bondy who raised a full glass of beer to me before I stepped in his direction.