I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Eighty-Four

Barns

I woke up to a message from Slim.

When I saw his name on the screen, I felt giddy, almost the way I use to feel on Christmas morning when I was a kid. Maybe he had some useful information for me. Maybe there was hope he could offer in the form of a few words.

Or maybe not. I frowned at the thought.

I'd been working endlessly in the studio. Management thought if they kept me busy enough, if they wore me out, that I'd go back to my apartment they crammed me in, and pass out. But I wasn't wired that way. I knew too many people and had too many friends. It was too easy to get a hold of something to drink or a pill to take. It was too easy to obtain drugs in this industry. All they were doing was feeding my vices, but they thought they were keeping me out of harm's way.

When I did sleep, it was minimal. I didn't need much of it, and I could function just fine on a few hours here or there. Plus; there were things I could take to keep me awake, or make me seem more alive than I was. I was no stranger to this lifestyle.

I clicked on Slim's message and scrolled through screenshots he'd sent me of him and Ellie's conversation from the morning before.

Slim: What say we grab a pint? Staying around my mum's for a bit.

Ellie: I don't know if I can.

Slim: Why? What's up?

Ellie: Van's home now

Slim: bring him! I'd love to see him.

Ellie: I doubt he'll come, we haven't talked in two days.

Slim: what? he just got home...what happened?

Ellie: He's mad I didn't tell him I ran into you. He thinks I'm keeping things from him. And it opened a whole door of bullshit. I'm not sure how to get through him not believing me.

Slim: not believing you about what?

Ellie: He thinks I'm still going to run back to Barns.

I stopped breathing.

I was still on her mind, even if she couldn't realize that. I was still a part of her life even though I wasn't physically in it. And whatever she was doing to work through that, was noticeable to others. Noticeable enough for Van to to see it. To question things.

Van was questioning her.

This was exactly what I wanted.

I wanted doubt. I wanted fear. I wanted to isolate the two of them and fill their heads with insecurities. I wanted to do to Ellie what she did to me for weeks without me realizing it. I wanted her to question every move Van made. I wanted her to assume he would cheat. I wanted Van to worry so much about her that he made himself sick, but I didn't expect Van to think I was a threat. I didn't expect him to feel inferior to me.

I smiled at the thought before scrolling through more of Slim's screenshots.

Slim: It's not like you've given him a reason not to trust you though.

Ellie: apparently it's something he's been thinking about, and it probably didn't make it any better that I didn't tell him about you and I seeing each other.

Slim: doesn't sound like he trusts you like he should, El.

Ellie: Yeah...I'm realizing that I guess.

Slim: So it's a no on drinks then? I'd love to see you before I can't again. Wouldn't mind seeing him either.

Ellie: I'll let you know. I'm sorry.

Slim's photos ended there, and that's when I called him. He answered on the first ring.

"Didn't take you long."

"I didn't expect any of that."

Slim chuckled lightly. "Yeah...neither did I. Maybe McCann's not as confident as we think."

I chewed on the thought of unraveling Van's insecurities further. What else could I plant to give him more doubt in her?

"So now what?" Slim interrupted my thoughts with his trivial questions and I frowned.

"I need to figure out how long he's going to be around. Then I need to figure out my moves."

"What exactly are your moves?"

"If they can get to a point of turmoil...then it'll be easier to talk Ellie into getting back together with me."

Slim sighed. "You're going to fly over here, aren't you?"

I shrugged. "I already told you; they cleared my name. Hotel is paid for the damages, and basically, unless Ellie presses charges, there's not much anyone can do." I sneered. "So yes, I'm going to fly over there."

"Will the label let you?"

"My dad still lives over there. I'll say it has something to do with him."

"And when you get here..."

"I'll stay with you. You're the one with all the insight and the way in. Find out exactly where she lives. Make that your next project. That, and when McCann is leaving."

Slim sighed. "What if you get here and she still doesn't want you? Then you've flown all that way for nothing."

"There is no other option. This thing with McCann...it's a flash in the pan. She's always come back to me. It won't be any different now...trust me. And if he's worried about her getting back with me, then she's obviously giving off some kind of vibe that makes him think that. I don't make the rules, Slim, I just play the game."

"It sounds like I'm not going to see her anytime soon, at least judging by her messages."

"Then keep messaging her. Keep in contact with her. I want to be able to just walk right up to her and the only way that's going to happen is if you stay in the loop."

"You're going to just walk up to her and expect her to wrap her arms around you and take you back?" There was disbelief in Slim's voice.

"I don't know what I expect, but I know that she can't live without me. I know her too well. Trust me...she'll come to her senses."

I ended the call quickly, like I always did when Slim started questioning my motives. I stretched out in the bed and raked my fingers through my hair, smiling at the thought of Van thinking I was a threat.

After all this time.

I had no choice but to fly over there. It was now or never, and I chose now.