I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Twenty-Four

Van

"Can you just stop and tell me what's going on?" Ellie pulled her hand from mine as she yelled into the night.

We were a few blocks from the bar, the hotel not far from us. I was still reeling from Barns shoving lines up his nose, still terrified that it would be like the last time, and I'd find Ellie in a hospital room tomorrow, fresh wounds wrapped around her. I was shaking as I stood on the sidewalk and raked my fingers through my hair, tugging it in all different directions. Ellie stared at me, eyes wide and mouth slightly opened. She was waiting for a response and I didn't know how to tell her what I'd seen, what I'd theorized, without sounding crazy.

"You need to trust me."

"I can't trust you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

I laughed. I didn't know what else to do. Ellie crossed her arms over her chest and balanced her weight on her right leg. She was waiting, waiting for me to say something, anything.

"I'm going to ask you what I asked you in the hospital, and you can lie to me, or you can hear me out."

Ellie bit her lip. It was nearly healed, but she still avoided the small scar out of instinct.

"I asked you about the drugs, and you said he's always done it. And then I told you I wanted you to think long and hard about Barns, and whether or not it's really worth it to have him round like this."

"I remember."

"He's out back of the bar doing it again, love. Sure, maybe he was good for a couple days, but he's right back at it. Right back into it."

She looked like she could cry. She looked like I was knocking the wind out of her with my words.

"And after I told you that in the hospital, you told me to leave. You told me to go." I was shouting. She didn't deserve this, but the thought of what she'd been through, and the things she'd been through that I didn't know about, sent me reeling. "Are you going to tell me to leave now?"

She shook her head as I released a few long breaths into the night. Something in her not wanting me leave felt comforting, I did my best to shrug it away.

"He's been an asshole since the moment I met him. He's been on drugs, in jail, and..." I paused as her eyes widened. Paused as she continued to stare at me, mouth agape.

"And what." It wasn't a question. Her voice was stern and tears brimmed her eyes.

I ran my hand over my mouth as the truth knocked on my ribs.

"Say it, Van." Her voice was nothing more than a whisper, drowned out by the sound of tires on the street and laughter in the distance.

"He's been with other girls."

Silence.

"Is that what you want to hear? Do you want to hear that before you joined us up, before you were with us, he was with someone else? A lot of them? Does it make you feel better knowing that now? I've been lugging that around with me like a sickness. I've wanted to tell you from the beginning what an awful person he was, but it wasn't my place."

The tears were alternating between falling and being wiped away by Ellie's shaking hands. I stepped closer toward her.

"You could have told me."

"I barely knew you."

"You still could have told me the truth."

I frowned. "I'm not the only one who has been keeping the truth from people here."