I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Seventy-Three

Three Weeks Later

Van

It was my last morning home before leaving for Manchester for a couple of weeks, and I wanted to drag it out as long as I could. They'd given us another week when the label found out I was closing on a house. It was probably the nicest thing they did for me in the five years I'd been signed to them. And it wasn't going to make me stay when the contract expired at the end of the year.

Nothing was going to make me stay.

We'd moved most of the stuff from my flat that belonged to me in one trip. I didn't have much, I 'spose that's the beauty of being on the road so much. You don't really collect anything. But Ellie, Ellie needed things to actually live here. Appliances and furniture to say the least, which we'd purchased after we moved in and realized we couldn't eat take out forever. On top of that, she'd been wearing the same clothes lately, just cycling them through the wash. I forgot how much stuff of hers was still across the pond, and I knew we'd have to go back at some point. But she was making due with things here, and I never heard her complain once about missing something. I never really heard her complain at all.

She was stretched out on her side, wrapped in the sheets of our bed, and I smiled knowing every time I came home, I'd come home to this. To her. To us. I didn't want to wake her. Not yet. So I tiptoed into our bathroom and showered quickly, hating the thought of leaving this all behind for a few weeks. But this was just the beginning of it all. The upcoming tours, those would be the moments of making or breaking things for us. I knew better than to let my thoughts sway in a negative way, but I couldn't drown out the noise yet. I couldn't come to grips with letting things be.

I dried off and threw on dark jeans and a short sleeve shirt. It was warming up on the North coast, and I knew it be hotter in Manchester than here. I'd packed my bags last night, but still scanned the bathroom for anything else I might need. I looked at my reflection and smiled. I looked...better. More alive now that I was with her. There was color in my cheeks and freckles splattered my face like paint from spending time outside in the hazy sun. I'd cut my hair a week ago, trimmed it like I used to wear it in the days of The Ride's release. I flicked off the light and ducked back into our bedroom.

Ellie was in the same position I'd left her in, and rather than wake her, I leaned against the door frame and crossed my arms over my torso. This is exactly what I'd always wanted, save for a few things that would come in time. I felt my fingers twitch as a few words danced to the front of my mind. I walked slowly out the door of our bedroom and toward the kitchen island, where I left a notebook in one of the drawers for moments like this. I had them hidden around different areas in the house, places that were all convenient to me when I had the urge to write. I opened it up and flipped through the first few pages that were already littered with half finished thoughts.

I retreated to the backyard, the sound of the morning birds the only thing I could hear, as I sucked in a deep breath and reveled in the quiet of this place. I was going to miss it all.

The words came out rushed, some finding rhythm and rhyme, others making it to the side as something that might line out the edges of a chorus one day. I read things back slowly, tapping my pen against the pad of paper and humming slowly.

I wanted it all,
sized up and scored out.
Bridging gaps of the past,
with nothing to write about.
Danced your way through a pub,
Before you were even mine.
Now I'm stuck in our bedroom,
It's why I never get anywhere on time.

I never cared much for scenery,
but babe I could drown in the likes of you.
You roll your shoulders
Down my spine,
Painting me in blues.
To think you used to detest me,
take the best of me,
I'm on my knees, you bless me.
I'd only take a knee for you.