I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Twenty-One

Van

I pretended to ignore the stress Barns brought to the day by showing up thirty minutes late for his own soundcheck.

I pretended to ignore the marks on his neck that weren't there this morning. Subtle marks at that, but evident none the less. Marks left by someone else, marks probably not intended to be seen.

I pretended not to notice his hands in the air when his bandmates asked why he was late, and the whistles he gave out in exchange for their cheers.

Barns Courtney, the real Barns I should say, had been missing for weeks, and tonight he showed up rowdy and tenacious, the only way I'd ever known him to be. The Barns that had been spending time with us recently, was a front. That was a mask he wore to paint an image to his girlfriend. An image he almost had me fooled for.

Almost.

Larry tapped my shoulder as they cut into their set, guitars squealing and splitting the air in two.

"Aye mate, they'll be a bit, let's have a ciggy."

I followed my best friend outside, the dampness of the air making me wish I grabbed my jacket. Larry tossed me a fag and a lighter. The nicotine hit like ecstasy, and I was instantly jonesing for the intensity.

"You eat today?"

"Not since this morning." I blew smoke out as I spoke.

"You're proper keyed up on nicotine and beers."

"Maybe I'll give one hell of a show then."

I felt Larry's eyes on me while I puffed through my fag. There were things on his mind, things brewing below the surface.

"It's not a good idea, mate."

"Come again?" I knew what he was getting at. I knew he could see through me when it came to things like this. He had been able to since we were fifteen.

"She's not going to leave him."

"She should though."

"But she's not. And you two are just friends, what's gonna happen if it goes beyond that? She's not going to leave him and where does that leave you?"

"We're friends, Larry."

"You've written five songs, mate. Five. And guess what? They're all about her."

"I already told you, it's like she's a muse. That's all this is."

"You have breakfast with her."

"That was one time, Larry and I already told you, you should have come and said hi."

"And today then...what was that?"

I pushed myself off the wall of the building and walked closer to my best friend and looking down at him on a squint. "How do you know about that?"

"You chased Barns down the street when you found out Ellie was missing. And he automatically thought she'd be on our bus? Why wouldn't I follow you knowing that? What's going on?"