I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Sixty-Two

Van

"So, now what?"

Larry's voice was low, even in the loudness of the pub we found to get a bite to eat in. Ellie shared a glance between us and shrugged.

"You can't stay here forever." Her voice was soft, full of sorrow and understanding. I squeezed her leg under the table. I wished I could.

"We've gotta fly home. The label has interviews and shoots scheduled later next week. By all means, I've gotta be there for that." And it was true. I needed to be there, and not just for the lads, but for me, too. Balance. I smiled to myself.

Larry nodded and sipped his beer, eyes flashing quickly to Ellie and back at me. I knew what he was asking. Could you leave her?

Could I? No. Not again. Especially not after what transpired in the last few days.

"I'll be alright." Ellie's voice was laced in confidence, but I didn't believe it.

"I don't like the thought of no one knowing where Barns is. I don't like that there's 'nothing the authorities can do until they locate him' and that you'll be here alone." I quoted the police and turned toward El, she swallowed a drink of beer and circled the rim of the glass with her index finger.

"I can change the locks to my place."

"I don't think that'll stop him."

"Security system?" Larry raised his eyebrows as he spoke. Ellie nodded at him but I shook my head.

"What about when you go out? What happens if he finds you somewhere?"

Ellie didn't say anything, she just kept her eyes on me, measuring my reactions and responses to the situation.

"Is there somewhere you can stay, El? What about your family?"

I hadn't thought too much on the subject of her family, I just knew what I wanted out of this, and I wanted her across the pond with me, or near me at least. But my mum's words lodged themselves free from my memory. I needed to slow down, needed not to act so quickly. Maybe I needed to let someone else make a decision.

Ellie bit her lip and looked at the table. "I don't really have the closest relationship with my family. It's just sort of...bland. They didn't really like Barns, and after I lost..." she paused, eyes growing wide at a memory she admitted to me in Scotland. I squeezed her leg again. She didn't need to go there if she didn't want to, and I got the feeling she hated going there. "After Barns and I went through a rough patch, they really didn't want to see me too much because I stayed."

"But you've left since. And you saw them after...well, after the last incident."

She nodded to Larry, but her shoulders rounded as she leaned back against the chair. "It's just not what you would call the best relationship. But I could go there, they'd be okay with me being around, I just don't think I could handle it for too long. But there's hotels, and my friend...I could crash with her for a week."

I didn't like the thought of Ellie rolling house to house while Barns continued to control her life based on his whereabouts. And that's what was happening. She should be free of this, of him, but he was still there, breathing life into the shadows in the corners of the room. He was still controlling her, still the reason she made the moves she did. But now, it was affecting us. Her and me both. Now, he was the villain. Now he was the one toeing the line of our relationship, threatening it.

Maybe it's what I deserved.

But she didn't. She didn't deserve any of what Barns gave her.