I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Ninety-Nine

Van

I kept forgetting that James preferred to be called Jim, and that was the first sign that I was more nervous than I thought. Get yourself together, McCann.

I shifted my weight in the small chair and bounced my knee up and down quickly under the table. Nerves weren't something that usually became of me, but today was different. Today was everything, and they noticed. The waiter serving us noticed. I nearly spilled my water when I reached for it, and after that, I couldn't regain my composure.

"It's alright...we're not going to bite you." Ellie's mom, Maggie spoke softly as she reached across the table and squeezed my arm. She offered a small smile and I returned it and let out a long sigh of relief.

They weren't what I expected they'd be, her Mom and stepdad. Quite the opposite really. I assumed her mother would be a little on the wild side based on the stories she'd shared with me of her childhood, but she was even keel and kind. I think her stepdad, Jim, had a lot to do with that. He kept her steady, kept her grounded. A kite and the string tethering it to the ground but still giving it freedom to soar.

"Christ, Maggie let the boy breathe. Give him some room to get used to us before you gush all over him." Jim winked at me after he spoke and a small smile spread across my lips, turning the corners upwards.

"I want to thank you both for coming all this way. It means a lot."

"We should be thanking you, Van. You paid for a little getaway for us and put us up in a nice place. You didn't have to do all that but it's appreciated greatly. We're sure Ellie will be surprised to see us." Maggie hadn't stopped smiling since I met them in the lobby of the hotel after I made sure Ellie and Bondy were far from sight.

I nodded and tapped my knuckle against the tabletop quickly. "She definitely will be. And it was definitely time for us to meet in person. Figured this would be a good opportunity for all of us."

Jim narrowed his eyes at me. "What else is going on in that head of yours? No offense and not to broach a sore subject, but Barns never did anything like this. We rarely heard from her when she was with him, and he hardly ever came around. Didn't like him much either. Never thought too much of him."

I shrugged and smiled habitually as the waiter brought our food over and sat the plates in front of us. I picked at my fries, suddenly having no appetite at the mention of Barns and the awkwardness of the situation.

"I know Ellie and Barns were together a long time, and I know they went through a lot." My eyes flashed to her mother, to read her reaction to my tap dancing around the subject of what Ellie barely lived through. The color drained from her face at the mention of their relationship, but she regained her composure quickly thanks to Jim squeezing her hand. "I know that you're probably a little scarred from that relationship and from seeing your daughter nearly...lose her life." The memory tripped me up and my voice cracked. The image of Ellie, lying on the landing of the stairwell, Barns panicking and screaming, and of my hands, covered in my blood, trying to get Ellie to wake up, was a memory I didn't like to think about. Ever. And in the off chance I did, or in the chance it woke me up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, I tried to get it out of my head as fast as possible. It was one of the worst moments of my life, and knowing her the way I did now, and realizing I might not have had the chance to get to know her like this, fucked me up.

I shook my head. "I love your daughter very much. I think I loved her the first day I saw her. When she showed up to my band's sound check with Barns. She means more to me than anything. I'd give all of this up for her if it came down to it, and I'd do it gladly, especially if it meant I'd get her out of it. I can assure you that I won't let anything bad happen to her again. I wish I could have prevented what happened. I blame myself a lot for making it worse for her. If I hadn't been there, egging things on, maybe he wouldn't have hurt her the way he did. But then again, I shudder to think about what would have happened if I wasn't there at all. But I can give you my word that I'll never put her through anything like that, and I'll do everything I can to keep her safe. Always."