I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Sixty-Eight

Van

We'd slept the day away, lazily stirring every few hours just to settle on a movie and eventually lose ourselves in each other again. These were the things I missed most about being with someone. The laziness of falling in love, the ease of the pace of it.

It was evening now, and everyone else had left at some point throughout the day, with the exception of Larry. If he was still home, if he hadn't stepped out for greasy hangover food, he was dead to the world, not a sound coming from his room at all. He drank enough last night that I imagined he'd sleep for days. Larry never was one for a hangover.

Only Bondy came in to say goodbye to us. I wasn't surprised, that was just the way things worked with us. Bondy always had to go out on a farewell, regardless of the occasion. Blakes and Bob, they liked to make a quick exit, and follow it up with a message to my phone later. Allie left a note on the table for El, telling her she'd see her soon, and I'd brought it in to her one on of my snack runs. Bondy jumped on the bed between us; we burrowed under my comforter to keep ourselves hidden, laughing and cussing at him at the same time. Eventually, El poked her arm and face out and gave Bondy a small little side hug. He rustled my hair with his hand and kissed the top of my head. "See you soon, sir." And with that he was gone, likely bumming around the countryside up North for a few days while he still had the chance.

We'd burned out the rest of the day easily, too wrapped up in each other to care that the sun had gone down and we'd lost a whole day to the trials of laziness and too much alcohol the night before.

The evening sky painted the city streets outside my window, lighting things up in fluorescents as the evening took off. In my earlier years, Lare and I would be rolling up our sleeves and looking to slum around the nearest bar. I shoved the memory to the back of my mind. That was a place I hadn't been in a while, a version of myself I hadn't confronted lately. I didn't want to go there. Didn't want to walk down the same streets with Ellie that I did with my ex. Maybe that was why I was so keen on finding a place somewhere else. Somewhere closer to home. This place held so many moments of myself in the palm of its hands, and I couldn't ever shake that. I didn't want to repeat the past with someone else. Not here at least. I wanted to start over, make new memories, make a new life.

I walked to the patio off my room and slipped out the door casually, my shirt unbuttoned and hanging from me as I stood in my boxer briefs and lit a fag. The shrubs blocking the street from me were enough to keep me hidden. There was a chill to the air still, but it was light and I didn't mind it. I didn't hate the cold.

I sank to the chair outside and tossed over the last twenty-four hours with Ellie. We still hadn't spoken about anything that happened, and I know we needed to. I needed things to be normal between us when I took her to my parents. I needed her to feel comfortable with me, and comfortable with them. She'd be staying there for a bit after all, until we found our own place...something I hadn't even discussed with her yet. I didn't even know if she wanted to stay in England. Maybe she didn't want to live here for an extended period of time. Either way, I wanted to be somewhere that we both liked, somewhere we both had a say in. I didn't want to drag Ellie into the same places I'd once drug someone else. I didn't want any ghosts following us around.

Like clockwork, Ellie cleared her throat behind me, palms resting on my shoulders before she cocooned around me and kissed my jaw. It was a simple gesture, but it made me feel like I had a room at the top of the world. I handed her my fag and she took a long drag, before sinking to the chair next to me and resting her legs on my lap. My fingers traced circles along the top of her feet and she giggled.

"We really wasted the day." She sighed.

I shrugged and blew out a long breath of smoke. "Depends on how you look at it. I don't think I wasted a second of it." I winked at her and her cheeks turned my favorite shade of rosy pink.