I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Seventy-One

Van

We'd toured the home through, my eyes more on Ellie than the house. I tried to pick apart her reaction to each room we'd entered, but her face remained the same. Neutral. A smile here and there, and a little crease forming between her eyebrows as she ran her fingers along the countertops in the kitchen and across the railing of the staircase.

The house was the perfect size for us, and there was room for the lads, or her parents if they ever came to visit. I'd only ever spoken to them on the phone briefly when she was in the hospital, never a formal meeting, and now I was going to move in with her and I hadn't even shaken their hand.

I pushed the thought away as I watched Ellie move through the French doors to the backyard. It was what she'd wanted, all sprawling greenery that led to the edge of the hill, before that greenery rolled its way to the sea some distance below. She'd stopped breathing for a moment when she stepped outside. Stood completely still, fingers intertwining with the strap of her purse.

It was all she'd wanted. Everything she told me about when she was on the verge of a sleep last week. She stood there silently for a few moments, hair whipping round her face, starring wide-eyed at the scenery, and all I could do was look at her. She turned toward me, face as though she'd seen a ghost, offered a smile to Anne, and stepped back inside.

I followed them both in the house and closed the door behind me, nerves firing their way up my arms.

"Do you mind if I take a few minutes to look at a few rooms again?"

It was the most she'd spoken since we stepped inside. I felt a lump grow in my throat.

"Take all the time you need, I'll be down here when you're finished." Anne offered a hopeful smile to me, as Ellie turned back toward the downstairs master bedroom. I shoved my hands in my pockets nervously and paced the empty living room. The afternoon sun was filling the whole room with light. It felt warm on my face, and I shut my eyes for a moment while I let myself get lost in the feeling.

Could I see myself here? Could I see myself coming home after tour to this place, rather than a flat on the edge of the city where everything I need is close by? Could I give up living with Larry, change my whole life around for someone, and settle into something firmer? Solid ground? I opened my eyes and looked out the window, toward the road the led to the drive and the houses beyond us that rolled into the hillside.

I already knew my answer.

This place reminded me of the place we'd recorded The Balance in. I smiled at the memory. I liked the simplicity of being in a place where people were sparse. I liked the freedom of being alone, of being able to walk outside with no fear that I'd be noticed. I liked the idea of bits and pieces of a yard to do whatever I wanted in. To go outside in. No restrictions, no taxing need to be someone else for everyone. I liked the way that feeling felt.

I liked the idea of being cooped up with her.

Ellie had meandered back upstairs, and I could hear her steps against the wooden floors. I liked that sound, too. The sound of her moving from room to room, like I imagined she would, with the windows open, and the sound of Van Morrison crooning from the kitchen. It was the life I always wanted, the only thing missing from it had been her.

I walked upstairs slowly, my nerves still lingering between each step, and found Ellie standing in the smaller room, arms crossed at her torso, and her thumb brought up to her lips. She heard me approach and turned to where I was standing.

I shrugged. "So?"

"It's charming. Old, yet somehow new."

"They renovated it before they put it on the market."

She nodded.

"It's got a lot of space." Her voice trailed off.

"Well, if the lads crash here, or my family, or your's for that matter, at least they'll all have a room."

She turned back toward the window, not saying another word.

I stepped toward her and tugged at her hands.

"Hey...I'm not trying to scare you. I know it's all kind of sudden. I just...I want you close to people when I'm gone. And I want to know I get to come home to a place like this."

"It's perfect, you know."

I blinked at her statement. "What?"

"All of it. The backyard. The view. The house itself. It's got just enough land that I don't feel claustrophobic, but it's not too much to handle. Especially while you're gone."

"I'll always come back." I whispered as I let my hand cradle her neck.

"I know."

"It doesn't mean I have to come back here. It can be any place, El. Anywhere with you would be home."

She frowned. "But I like it here."

I felt myself from. "Yeah?"

She nodded as she turned back toward the small bedroom with the wide window stretching lengthwise toward the sea.

"I thought it'd be nice if we had something with a little space to...you know...grow into." I tried to approach the thought apprehensively. I didn't need to scare her. 

She kept her eyes out the window for a moment, before she sniffed back a sob that never quite made it out of her.

"But there's no rush for that. I just...I wanted to have something." I stopped talking. My words had become a mouthful of mumbles and I was falling all over myself.

"You really want it all with me, don't you? Every aspect of life. All the valleys and the peaks. All of it."

I nodded once, fixing my eyes on the floor and kicking at an invisible mark. My own words played back at me, words I'd written for her, a promise I'd made to her that became Coda on the new album; the bonus track.

She's gonna see her someday,
When we're older,
When we slow down.
And I'll carry the weight of you
with me around my neck.

She kissed my cheek, raised herself up on her tiptoes and lingered there for a moment. "I want it all with you, too." She whispered.

I met her gaze, lazily smiling, caught somewhere between the end of an era and the beginning of something new, something that had the ability to change the rest of forever for me.

"We ought to make an offer then, aye?"

She smiled before leaning in and kissing me. "Aye."

*Okay guys, this is the last chapter of fluff for a while. The next chapter is going to be told from someone else's perspective, and I can't decide if you're going to love it or hate it. From here on out...things will be a bit...messy :)
All the love. X*