I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Ten

Van

I couldn't focus on the show.

We were near the middle of the set, Bondy was getting ready to crash into 7 but I held him off with a flick of my wrist. I needed a moment. I needed to get myself together and out of the gutter I was in since leaving the hospital. The lights stayed low, and I could picture Steve's face as I hesitated on a long chord. He'd be all sorts of pissed off about this. My eyes found Larry, who was squinting at me, his face twisted into confusion. I had too much on my mind to play, and too much on my mind to be sober. As soon as we were done, I needed to be on one.

The silence continued and Bob beat on his snare a few times. I held up my hand again and he frowned. Slowly, I eased into the first riff of Intermission, plucking a few strings lightly to garner the reaction of everyone around me. The crowd instantly cheered and the lights of several phones caught my eye. We hadn't played it yet, not live at least.

I continued to play, Bondy adding a few chords and Blakes playing the bass line like it was something he did every night. I didn't know if we'd remember how to play the song, or what lyric came next, but it didn't matter. The crowd didn't care, they just cheered and watched. The lights stayed low and blue, setting the tone as we tied up the loose ends of the song and I pressed my mouth to the mic.

"Piece things back up for me..."

I got lost in the ease of it, got lost in the simplicity of the song and the way it carried itself through the venue. It caused me to focus, brought me back to where I was, grounded me. I emptied all the other thoughts of the day out of my mind, and just played it. I finished the song and didn't wait for the light change for 7. I knew they'd be watching us now, waiting for us to make the next move before they changed lighting gears again. I turned to Bob as he screwed the cap back on his water, and gave him a nod. He cut right into the beat of 7 with a smile on his face, and shook his head at me on a laugh when I shrugged over my actions.

The lights changed quickly, trading blues for soft reds and the crowd turned into a sea of waves and applause. I grabbed the mic, rested my foot upon the speaker and tried to avoid Steve's face and the cross look upon it.

"Larry call a load of smoke in..."

***

By the end of the show, I had something new to focus on, my arse being chewed out by Steve. It was likely a blessing in disguise. It kept my mind off Ellie. I told the lads what happened the night before and what i saw in the lobby. I told them about Barns' confessions and how he painted his girlfriend to be an addict. It seemed like a tough pill for all of them to swallow. The only things I left out, was the part about me visiting her. That could stay between me and my grave.

"Christ." Steve said pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes.

We all sat in the dressing room, drying the sweat off our faces with damp towels, and listened to him rip us apart.

"This is the second time in WEEKS the lot of you pulled this off. No more changes to the setlist or I'll have all of you by the throats."

"None of them had nuthin' to do with this, aye." I wiped my face again and raked my fingers through my hair, parting it to the side. "I needed something to make me focus and I just went into it. It wasn't planned."