I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Sixteen

Van

I blew smoke into the sky. The show had gone off without a hitch and I was riding the high that sometimes came after nights like these. I could still feel the buzz from the kids in the front row, and my ears were still ringing from the screams. It'd been one of my favorite nights in a long time, and part of me wondered if Red had something to do with it.

Red. A class jab at a person who needed to hear the truth.

I stared directly at Ellie for more parts of the song than I should have. I could tell it gutted her. Throwing shade at someone doesn't make you any more powerful and it doesn't make you feel any better, but I did it anyway. Tossed the broken girl broken lyrics of a song meant for someone else, and gave it the power to crush her.

It crushed her, indeed.

I don't know how long she stayed. I lost track of her before the final chorus. I wondered where she disappeared off to, and I tried to make myself not care, but a small part of me ached at the way her face twisted to grief when she listened me sing the words.

I took another drag. Bondy stepped outside. I knew it was him before I saw him. I could tell which one of the lids was coming based on the steps they made. Bondy's were short steps, heightened only by the sound of his boot scraping the floor. Blakes drug his feet. Bob...now that's a tough one, Bob's step were nearly always silent. I didn't know he was there until he spoke.

Bondy lit up a fag and loosed a deep breath into the night.

"Pretty good show tonight."

"Proper went off in there didn't it?"

"Aye." Bondy brought his fag to his lips and savored the hit longer than normal. He had something on his mind, I could sense it in his composure. He was too rigid, too stiff for his normal conversation starters.

"What's in that head of your's mate?"

He chuckled his trademark laugh. "I was about to ask you the same."

I tossed my fag on the ground and rested my hands on the railing in front of me. "Just that we had one hell of a show."

"And Ellie then, what's your thoughts on that?"

I coughed. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not brilliant but I'm not a complete idiot. I know what you did tonight."

I rolled my shoulders round and cracked my neck. "I played an old song, Bondy."

"A song that you wanted her to hear."

I dragged my bottom lip between my teeth. "S'pose you're right."

"I am right."

I kicked the fence of the ramp with my foot. "It's not like I hurt anyone."

"Physically. But I'm sure she's had enough of that."

I turned my attention to my guitarist, who at times like these, surprised me with how much he picked up on.

"What are you getting on at?"

"Doesn't take much to figure out she's going through somet with Barns. Based on what yous told us, sounds like he's the one with the problems and he takes them out on her."

I fumbled with my shirt and my words.

"I'm not sure if shoving the lyrics to Red in her face was the best thing to do her, but there's little I can do about it now."

"She needs to hear the truth."

"What she needs is to not be here with him."

"She won't leave him, Bond. That's why I sang it. That's why I did it. This morning I told her he claimed she was an addict and did this all to herself, and she knows there's more I can tell her. She said she wants to hear it. Then they show up here, hand in hand like he'd never put his hands on her in another way." I felt my voice crack in anger and I started shaking from that same anger welling up in my palms. I had too many feelings on this subject. Too much emotion built up under my ribs.