I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Ninety-Two

Ellie

It was early when my phone chirped, waking me up from a sound sleep. I reached for it, shocked to see as many missed calls that I had. Several of them were from Van, and they all came in early, around 10:30 last night.

I'd fallen asleep early, taken one of Van's sleeping pills since I hadn't slept a wink the night before. I wouldn't let onto him how much this goodbye tore me up. Instead, I suffered through a sleepless night and decided not to do that again. But a part of my heart sank when I saw the five missed calls from him, all in a row. The guilt from the last bit away still ate at him, and he was probably wanting to tell me goodnight. I frowned.

I had a more recent missed call from Larry though. That's what had woken me up. Maybe Van's phone died and he was using to Larry's to call me. Maybe their night out turned into a morning.

I called Larry back on a yawn, he answered on the first ring.

"Hey Lare." I smiled softly and tried to ignore the sleep in my tone.

"I'm so sorry if I woke you, El."

"S'alright. What's up?"

"Right...is Van...is he with you then?"

"Funny Lare. Give him the phone."

There was nothing other than silence coming from Larry's end. I sat up a little straighter and glanced at the clock. It was nearing six.

"Larry...what's going on?"

"There was a bit of an issue with Van last night. He got all riled up about something on the way to a pub, him and Johnny got into it a bit, and he went back to the hotel alone."

"He's probably drowned himself into sleep. You know how he gets sometimes, especially if there's tension."

"Security has him leaving the hotel at 11. Said he was going to the bus for something, and never came back."

"Did you check the bus?"

"The bus, his room. Everywhere."

"Do you want me to call him?"

"That's the problem. His phone was in his room."

"He couldn't have gone too far, Lare. Maybe he's writing somewhere or something."

"You sure he's not at the house? Can you check?"

"I would have heard him come in. Besides. Why would he come all the way here?" I said pulling back the sheets, but the memory of the sleeping pill loomed to the front of my mind, and I knew I wouldn't have woken up for a bomb. I flicked on a light and walked to the living room slowly, looking for a sign of life. Part of me, the part that wasn't nervous, wished he would be there, stretched across the couch, boots still on, passed out. What I wouldn't give to find that. But the living room was empty, just like the kitchen. He wasn't here, and my chest tightened when I realized that.

"He's not here, Lare."

Larry sighed and I heard him tell someone else he wasn't here.

"What happened? What had him so riled up?"

"He thought he saw someone he knew, and he kind of lost it when none of us believed him. Just typical drunk Van behavior. This is a side of him we all know a little too well. He'll piss us all off on something stupid, and then disappear for a few days. We all have to pick up his trash."

I could hear the bite to Larry's words.

"They have interviews...and shows."

"Yeah...never stopped him before when things like this have come up."

"Things like what exactly?"

"Things like Barns. He thought he saw Barns, Ellie. Proper geeked him out to the point he was running down the street after some guy, yelling his name." Larry was angry. I could hear it as he spoke, and I tried to hide the fear that matched onto me when he said Barns' name.

"Barns is in America...he can't leave."

"We tried to tell him that, but he wasn't having it. Said he knew what he saw and he was going to go after him, but security took him to the hotel instead."

"And now he's gone?"

"Probably pouting around some pub feeling sorry for himself."

"What if he just went looking though? Maybe that's all this is. A long walk through a city." I shuddered at the thought of him looking for Barns, and more so at the concept of him actually finding him. But I knew better. That wasn't a possibility.

"Every fucking time something happens with Banrs, it's a god damned national emergency. Forget the fact that in six hours he's needed for an interview, let's just throw it all to the wayside because Barns is fucking shit up again, or putting you in danger. Let's drop everything he's drug us through all these years because he's worried about you."

Larry's words slammed into me, snaking across my skin like vines. I froze where I stood.

"Larry..."

"Christ, I didn't mean it like that, El. I'm just tired. I've been up all night looking for him. Last time this happened he flew across the country to get to you. I just figured...I figured he was there."

"He's not." I said coldly. "And if you can let me know when you find him, or have someone let me know, that'd be great."

I ended the call and sank to the floor, the phone spilling from my hands as I mulled over our conversation.

There was no way Barns was in England. It just couldn't happen. No matter what strings he pulled, he wouldn't have been able to get through security with a warrant on his back.

Once I realized this, I exhaled and sank deeper into the floor.

But that didn't change the fact that Van wasn't anywhere he should be. Nerves stirred themselves in the pit of my stomach and cradled me loosely as I weighed the options. He'd called me five times, which meant he was lucid enough to want to talk. And he left the hotel to head to the bus shortly after that. Maybe he fancied a cigarette. Maybe he wanted his journal and wanted to write. I knew him well enough by now to know he needed seclusion sometimes, especially when he was writing.

I convinced myself that he was fine. I convinced myself that between the tension with him and the guys, and the alcohol, he probably just disappeared without a second thought to lose himself in writing.

That had to be the case.

That was the case.

But Larry's words stuck with me. Regardless of what he meant, our relationship, or the lengths Van had went to for me, definitely caused some friction I didn't know about. I frowned. The last thing I wanted was to be painted as someone who always needed saving, especially to his friends. Or someone who was taking his focus away from the music.

I played absentmindedly with the hem of my shirt as I tried my best to push Larry's comments to the side. I reached for my phone and called Van on a whim. It rang twice and went to his voicemail.