I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Van

I met Bondy in the hotel bar at three for what was supposed to be a pint. We'd migrated from pints to shots, and at half past eight, we were proper pissed.

Bondy was no help to my downward spiral. He was the kind of lad that didn't ask questions unless he needed to. He was the lad you went to when you needed to unwind and he'd roll you out completely. He might not know why you're drinking deep, but he'll drink deep with you, agree with you, and never judge you for a second of your misery. I wondered what misery Johnny Bond went through to become that way. You're not born with those traits, you inherit them.

Tonight he patted my back anytime there was silence, bought me another round when I thought I was on my last, and told me stories from his teenage years about the girls and the drugs. He kept me distracted, reminded me of the Van I was prior to Ellie sliding into the middle of our lives.

"I miss it though, the ease of touring when we were nobodies. Nothin makes me happier than a look out at a sold out arena crowd back home, but I loved those gigs when I could look out and see the smile on every person's face. It was a different vibe. A different time."

I nodded, head tilted down, eyes focused on the table. I missed it, too, the people we were when we first made a name for ourselves. We could go anywhere, do anything, we were Kings of the radio; Lords of the evening. Things were simple because they were new. We had no expectations, no standards to uphold. Everything was easy.

"I miss the ease I felt. I miss the ignorance." My words were a slur, all flowing together and mixed with alcohol induced nostalgia. I was a recipe for disaster.

Bondy's hands gripped onto my shoulders. "Don't go gettin' all soft on me boy!"

I swatted him away with my hands on a laugh. "I ain't soft!"

I reached for my beer to try and drink my drunk into sobriety. I caught Bondy's immediate shift. His smile faded, eyes looked at me and then back over my shoulder. He sat up straighter, moving away from me. "Oh no." His voice was hoarse, low and void of emotion. I squinted at him.

"What, Bondy? What's up?"

Time slowed as I turned and followed his gaze over my shoulder. Walking into the bar was Slim, his arm draped over Barns' shoulder, Ellie just a few steps behind. She was smiling, hair down in loose waves, wearing makeup again. She looked good. She looked happy.

I turned back to the table and stared at my drink, pretending not to have noticed anything. Bondy kept looking between me and them, burning holes into me.

"Well, well, well look what that cat dragged in." Bondy smirked to Slim as he neared our table and threw his arms around my bandmate on a laugh.

"Drug me straight to you, love." Slim kissed Bondy's cheek on a laugh. I could feel her near me. White hot heat scorched through me, mixing with the venom in my system. Bondy found my gaze again before jetting his chin at them both.

"Barns, Ellie."

"Hi guys." Her voice, that voice.

I said nothing and Bondy filled the holes of the moment. "Van and I've been at it a little too long I think. Been proper tying one on, kind of lost track of the afternoon."

Barns laugh boomed through the room as he swam further into my view, leaning into Bondy on a handshake.

"Wish we would have known that, we could have caught an earlier flight. Can't drink all day if you don't start early."

I forced myself to look up, a wry smile on my face. Barns gave me a nod, nothing odd in his reaction to me. Ellie smiled at me softly, like she used to, before anything happened a few days ago. Like nothing happened. Like she could see right through me.